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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » life sucks

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Author Topic: life sucks
kitties20
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Member # 95092

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Me and my boyfriend of two years kind of broke up and now i am just sitting and crying around.

He said that he has feeling for another girl but he knows that i am the best girl. he says i have better qualities than her and that i am better, yet he "doesn't know why he likes her" and doesn't want to have a relationship until he can figure things out. We still talk and he still says he loves me and calls me the same pet names, but it sucks knowing hes not mine and that he could be with another girl.

He says he wants time to think and process emotions. He isn't looking to date anyone, he just wants to be alone and independent before he starts up a relationship with me.

ugh this sucks

Posts: 24 | From: new york | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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That certainly sounds like it sucks.

I wonder how great an idea it is for you two to be talking right now if he's going to still talk about his feelings for you and try and process some of this *with* you?

In the meantime, what are you doing to take care of yourself with this? Who are you leaning on in your life for support, to vent to, etc?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kitties20
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if i talk to him, he gets mad because he says i dont give him his space.

right now i am relying on friends, some family members, or just moping around

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Heather
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You'd said you two were still talking, and it sounds like he's been sharing an awful lot with you about all of this: that's why I asked that.

But for sure, whether you're not really talking together, or you are, but he also keeps saying he doesn't want to and wants more space, I think space without talking sounds the most sound for now.

Are your friends and family doing a good job of supporting you right now?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kitties20
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He doesn't want to stop talking to me. he says he'd miss me if we stopped.

I am just trying to put up a strong face through this all because i have my MCATs to be worrying about and other school crap. My friends are doing an amazing job with helping me, but i feel bad bc this is all i ever talk about with them.

It just sucks how someone so perfect for 2 years can turn rotten over night. If this girl isn't a comparison to me, then why is he doing all of this?

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Heather
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So, he doesn't want to stop talking to you, but when you DO talk to him, he gets angry and says you aren't giving him his space?

You know, relationships, of all kinds, shift and change through life, and also tend to change more, and more rapidly, when people are younger. There are about a million reasons why, and that certainly doesn't mean that this is easy, but I don't think we can know what's going on with him and what his motives are beyond what he's said to you.

But sometimes the why of someone wanting to split or take a break isn't so sound to focus on on the fact that someone wants one. In other words, whatever his reasons for wanting to split, apparently he did, even though he clearly is giving you very mixed messages. Again, it sounds to me like for both of you, it would be really wise to earnestly take some space.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kitties20
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I am going to try to take some space. But its so confusing. Like he says he misses me and loves me still. even says that my qualities are better than the other girl, but because she's a childhood friend, hes always liked her.

He says its not fair to me if he commits to me while liking another girl, so he wants to take a break and just fix and evaluate himself before he commits again. "i am not looking to jump ships or date anyone else" is what he said.

Is he even worth waiting around for? Like i think he is, but idk anymore.

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Heather
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Like I said, I agree that it sounds like he's giving you some very mixed massages, and that's not fair to you, for sure. It's not okay to ask someone for space, then refuse to let them give it to us and ALSO get angry when they don't because we said we'd miss them, etc.

I personally don't think now is the time to be making any decisions about this unless you feel like you just want to be done, in which case I think it would be okay if you were. Rather, I think now is the time to earnestly make space -- and it sounds like it's going to have to be you to hold that line, including things like not calling him, and reminding him you are taking time apart if he calls you, then finishing that call, etc.

Take some space: maybe a couple weeks, at least. feel your own feelings, hang out with the people supporting you, focus on your MCATs as you need to, and then see how you feel. If after that couple of weeks you want to talk with him about anything, then might be the time to call him and ask if he'd like to do that too, and if so, you can both see how you feel and where you stand.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kitties20
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thank you for your help [Smile]

i will definitely take your advice. it sounds like a better plan i had

Posts: 24 | From: new york | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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