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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I'm so lost. Am I important to him?

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Author Topic: I'm so lost. Am I important to him?
bubblegum28
Neophyte
Member # 96168

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months, I am 16, and I do engage in activities with him. He's said that he was bad in the past but he's different now. A few days ago, one of his past girlfriends told me a lot about him because I swore to keep it in confidence and we're great friends because our bfs are.

He'd asked other girls to send them pictures of themselves exposed while my friend and him were dating. He left for a month after begging my friend for a picture, which he got, and then didn't talk to her. She said that she has asked him if he deleted the pictures, and he said yes.

I'm scared that he still might be getting pictures. I have nothing to hide from him but I don't really know if he's different. I know he'd ask to see my phone if I asked to see his, which hasn't ended well in the past because I have a best friend who I know likes me but I do not lead him on. My boyfriend is attentive and sweet to me when we are in person, but we normally participate in activities. I don't want to be used, and I don't want to be lied to, but I want to know if he gets pictures. He doesn't trust me with my guy friends at the movies. I don't know if he trusts me at all.

I need to know: Is he protecting me as his girlfriend from other guys or is he protecting what we do? And why didn't he tell me about his past relationship? Should I talk to him about the pictures? I promised my friend I wouldn't.

I need answers. [Frown]

[ 07-01-2012, 02:16 PM: Message edited by: bubblegum28 ]

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Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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First up, your boyfriend having a problem with you having friends of other genders really isn't okay. That's something he needs to work on himself, and not push onto you. When someone tries to control who we're friends with, that's a big red flag - by that I mean, it's a warning sign that something is very unhealthy about your boyfriends attitude to relationships. So, do you think you can set a boundary with that? Do you think you can have a talk together in which you tell him that your friends are your friends, not matter what their gender is, and that if he's worried, that's something he needs to work on, not you?

As for the pictures; have you and him had a talk about what you both count as breaking your relationship agreements before? By that I mean, when you became boyfriend and girlfriend, and agreed to be sexually exclusive to each other, did you have a talk about what 'exclusive' means to you, and what it means to him?

[ 07-02-2012, 06:28 AM: Message edited by: Rei ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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