I'm a 21 year old female, with some questions. A few years ago, I'd have laughed at the situation I'm in now. But the times, they are a'changing.
I stumbled across a guy online and a few months down the line, he happens to be the best company I've ever had. I'm aware of the dangers of all this online stuff, but besides his legitimacy, I have to also deal with a very conservative and overbearing family.
This guy thinks I'm worth a visit, and while I can keep things under wraps for now, I'm not sure how to break it to my parents later on when he decides to move here permanently (he's already decided and awaiting my go-ahead). I've never told them about any other boyfriends, and we have never shared personal stories because we have a very strict sort of hierarchical family structure.
This may be attributed to the fact that for the 1st third of my life, I did not live with my folks, so I have never gotten close to them. It's time to break the ice, not just about the incoming and slightly obvious boyfriend, but also about life in general. Telling them I want to move away (with or without the bf beside me) is going to be difficult especially because I have an older brother who still lives at home.
I know this might seem strange to most westernized homes. But I am not from a westernized home. Things are different here, and I am being stifled by my own upbringing. I want to be as clear and non-dramatic as possible with them as possible. I just don't know how.
-------------------- Nine one one, what is your emergency? Posts: 2 | From: Earth | Registered: Jun 2012
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So if I am understanding correctly, you and your boyfriend have not met in person? If so, I think some of what you are talking about here (him moving to your town, you two moving in together) is a bit premature.
I'm not knocking internet dating (really, really not - I met my long-term partner on the internet), but it is really hard to gauge chemistry from written text, or even a webcam chat. So for now, I'd dial expectations way back, and start with a face-to-face meeting first.
When it comes to internet dating, it is also really important to keep safety measures in mind when you do meet up. I understand why you would not want to let your parents know about a first meeting, but it is generally a good idea to let at least someone know where you're going and what you are doing, just in case. You'll also want to make sure to meet in a public place, and to not rely on the other person for transportation.
As for your relationship with your family, how about you start small? You say they are not very in the loop on your daily life, so letting them in more on basic stuff could be a safe way to start.
Maybe you can even sit them down and tell them that you feel like you haven't been very open, and that you would like to change that and become closer. A good way to do that could be to make time for some family-time: such as eating dinner together on the weekend, or going out to do something together.
-------------------- Johanna Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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