Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Modern Relationship vs Conservative Parents

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Modern Relationship vs Conservative Parents
Member # 96054

Icon 1 posted      Profile for NineOneOne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey folks,

I'm a 21 year old female, with some questions.
A few years ago, I'd have laughed at the situation I'm in now. But the times, they are a'changing.

I stumbled across a guy online and a few months down the line, he happens to be the best company I've ever had. I'm aware of the dangers of all this online stuff, but besides his legitimacy, I have to also deal with a very conservative and overbearing family.

This guy thinks I'm worth a visit, and while I can keep things under wraps for now, I'm not sure how to break it to my parents later on when he decides to move here permanently (he's already decided and awaiting my go-ahead). I've never told them about any other boyfriends, and we have never shared personal stories because we have a very strict sort of hierarchical family structure.

This may be attributed to the fact that for the 1st third of my life, I did not live with my folks, so I have never gotten close to them. It's time to break the ice, not just about the incoming and slightly obvious boyfriend, but also about life in general. Telling them I want to move away (with or without the bf beside me) is going to be difficult especially because I have an older brother who still lives at home.

I know this might seem strange to most westernized homes. But I am not from a westernized home. Things are different here, and I am being stifled by my own upbringing. I want to be as clear and non-dramatic as possible with them as possible. I just don't know how.

Please. Help.

~NineOneOne [Confused]

Nine one one, what is your emergency?

Posts: 2 | From: Earth | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So if I am understanding correctly, you and your boyfriend have not met in person? If so, I think some of what you are talking about here (him moving to your town, you two moving in together) is a bit premature.

I'm not knocking internet dating (really, really not - I met my long-term partner on the internet), but it is really hard to gauge chemistry from written text, or even a webcam chat. So for now, I'd dial expectations way back, and start with a face-to-face meeting first.

When it comes to internet dating, it is also really important to keep safety measures in mind when you do meet up. I understand why you would not want to let your parents know about a first meeting, but it is generally a good idea to let at least someone know where you're going and what you are doing, just in case. You'll also want to make sure to meet in a public place, and to not rely on the other person for transportation.

As for your relationship with your family, how about you start small? You say they are not very in the loop on your daily life, so letting them in more on basic stuff could be a safe way to start.

Maybe you can even sit them down and tell them that you feel like you haven't been very open, and that you would like to change that and become closer. A good way to do that could be to make time for some family-time: such as eating dinner together on the weekend, or going out to do something together.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3