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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Boyfriend?

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Author Topic: Boyfriend?
Member # 95797

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I go to college near an army base. I met an awesome guy who's in the military, and we exchanged contact information. We had the best first date I've ever had, and we had sex (I can count the number of partners I've had on one hand. I've never had sex out of a committed monogamous relationship before, much less on a first date, but it was just perfect). His leave time happened to start on my second week of summer vacation, so he promised to visit me, despite the fact my family is a 6 hour drive away.
After more than a week of not hearing from him, I didn't expect to ever hear from him again, but I was wrong. He drove all the way down, met (and thoroughly impressed) my parents, and took me to meet his friends a couple hours away. There was no sex this time. He was hugging and kissing me the whole time he was with his friends, but introduced me as his "friend". When one of his friends asked if I was his girlfriend, he didn't give a straight answer.
In the car, we had an awkward "what are we" conversation. He asked if I was his girlfriend. I asked him if he wanted me to be. He said "I don't like possessive terms like my girlfriend or my wife. So no".
So...what on earth does that mean? He said he was going to come visit me again this coming week and said there would be more sex. I didn't get that impression from him before, but now I'm afraid that that's all he's after. Am I being paranoid? Can anyone explain to me what's going on? Or should I just see it through and find out for myself?

Posts: 1 | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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This early in the game, I think it's way to early for a "what are we" discussion regardless, IMO.

After all, what you know you are right now are two people that had one date, on one-night stand (for now, anyway), one week without any contact at all (on both your parts, if you didn't call him either), a very early and, from the sounds of things, without warning, meeting-of-the-parents, a same-say meeting of friends, and a strange -- from my point of view, given sex is about both of you -- announcement from him there would be more sex happening.

So, where you stand now, with this being brand-new, and not something already established, all you can do, all anyone can at the start of something, is spend some time feeling things out, if that's something you both want to do. Either of you can talk about what you're looking for right now, and what you might want to explore with each other so far, but for right now, I think what you are are two people who have spent time together only twice, even if some of that time involved some intimacy.

Know what I mean?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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