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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Dating standards

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Author Topic: Dating standards
Emmanuelle
Neophyte
Member # 54612

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I am bi. When it comes to dating others, one of my standards is that I only date other bisexuals. This is for several reasons. One, I really feel it takes a bi to understand a bi. It seems like only other bisexuals truely understand me and my feelins and where I come from. Secondly, i want to live a full bisexual lifestyle when im married and have a family. I wanna marry a guy, but i want to continue to have sex with girls and I want my future husband to have sex with guys. That's just what I want.

So theres this guy that has been askin me out for a while. He's very sweet and very smart. I love his family. We can speak french together, which i never thought i'd be able to do with a guy who was interested in me. He is the kind of guy i can see myself with longterm. Except, he is straight. He says he is willing to have sex with guys, but thats not the point. Being bi is not just about sex with other guys, its about being bi. I'm nt one of these people who thinks u can make yurself change u are who u are.

This guy almost seems like making it worth a try, but is it worth going back on my principle. I've already done more with this guy than i ever thought i would, but i knwo what i want and i don't want him to conform to me. Is it worth losing him and not giving him a chance to fit in for my principle?

Posts: 2 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Before I talk about this situation specifically, I would like to clarify something, first. You talk about wanting to live a "full bisexual lifestyle", which you define as dating both men and women at the same time. However, bisexuality is a label for a sexual orientation, it means only that you have the potential to feel attracted to both men and women. It says nothing about how you wish to conduct those relationships. Plenty of people who identify as bisexual prefer to have monogamous relationships, and plenty of people who identify as heterosexual or homosexual prefer to lead polyamorous or open relationships.

It sounds like what you are interestd in is open or poly relationships. This is quite apart from your bisexuality. While I understand and agree that it can often be difficult for heterosexuals to grasp what it means to be non-heteresexuals, it is a bit of a leap to assume that all bisexuals you might date will automatically also be interested in open or poly relationships, or that you will never find a heterosexual partner who will be interested in those forms of relationships.

As for this particular guy - have you had any conversations with him about your wants and needs, and your expectations for a relationship? How does he feel about open relationships?

If he is not interested in conducting an open relationship, you may have to ask yourself what is most important to you.

You also talk about your ideal of having an open relationship. Being with this guy now does not have to mean that you have to forego this ideal. It is not possible to tell from the beginnign of a relationship how far it will go, so it makes little sense to enter this relationship with an eye to marriage and family from the start. Why not give it a try, first, and then see how it goes? How valuable and enriching a relationship is is not dependent on its length.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Burdened with glorious booty
Activist
Member # 93241

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What you're talking about is polyamory, not bisexuality. Besides which, a person doesn't NEED to be the same orientation as another person to understand what that person is feeling. He clearly cares about you, and he WANTS to understand you - so let him. He sounds like a good match for you - it'd be silly to throw away your chances over a principle such as this.

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Ta-da!

Posts: 130 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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