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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » What the heck.

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Author Topic: What the heck.
Controversy
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I honestly don't know whats wrong with me! I'm moving on from my ex boyfriend quite well in the past month.. but when I think of him it still hurts so much. Am I taking too long to get over him? especially after what he did to me? shouldn't what he did make me have a better chance of forgetting him... thats what everyone is telling me. Saying im pathetic for still having feelings for him.

But other than that.. im with this new guy I was telling you about, it was first hard for me to kiss him, considering he was the first person I kissed after my ex. But now I can kiss him all day and not feel as conflicted. This new guy is helping me forget my ex, but i'm still in the moving on process. It doesn't seem to be ruining this new relationship because I control it.

But he proceeded to touch my breasts when we made-out last. I wouldn't say I felt uncomfortable, but I just had no interest in it. If that makes sense? I practically have no interest in any sexual contact, at least at the moment and I don't know how to tell him this? How do I explain this situation to him..

I guess I could say the slight feelings I have for my ex are interfereing.. but I can also say thats not the problem, its more of... yeah I did those things with my ex, and they weren't comforting or fun situations for me. So its more of a psycological thing I suppose. But then again im not uncomfortable when it happens I just don't want it, and have no drive to say no either. Maybe he is moving too fast? Who knows, maybe im just lost

Sorry for always posting so much stuff here, but I have no one else to turn too... and all of you have helped me so many times in the past two and a half years i've been on this board. Thank you all..

[ 03-20-2012, 10:51 AM: Message edited by: Controversy ]

Posts: 132 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm hearing you saying that you are still finding you need more time to get over your ex, and that things feel like they're moving too fast with this new person, and you're not feeling able to tell them that pretty easily.

All of that sounds to me like it probably isn't time for a new relationship, both with stuff around your ex and you perhaps needing more time on your own to get more assertive about some things.

How long has it ben since this breakup again, and how long was the relationship before it ended?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Controversy
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Its been around 7 or 8 months, and I was with him for almost 2 years.

And im kind of now realizing I should have given it a bit more time, but if I keep waiting I feel like I wont get anywhere.. I don't want to tell him this because I feel like he might just give up on me.

[ 03-20-2012, 10:15 PM: Message edited by: Controversy ]

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Saffron Raymie
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Sometimes, with any kind of healing, we can feel hopeless and stuck, and like we won't get anywhere.

It's a diificult journey. Something which concerns me is hearing you say you're worried that he 'might give up on you'. This sounds to to me like you feel you actually 'need' this relationship, perhaps for your healing. Do I have that right?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Controversy
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Yes.. you actually have that right [Frown] should I not feel this way?
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Saffron Raymie
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There are no 'shoulds' with feelings at all. We all get to feel how we feel.

However, it might be better for you to have some support that comes from other places; as when we put all our eggs in one basket - when we only have one person as our sole support in our healing - that can cause a lot of pressure in our relationship, especially as relationships can change or end and we end up losing our all our support as well as the relationship.

Have you had any counselling to talk through healing and the relationship with your ex-partner?

Also, Even when we have had loads of time to heal, a very high number of have preferences when it comes to how fast or slow things move in a relationship - a relationship's pacing. So, it's no really something to have to 'explain' to your partner; it's just time for a discussion about what you both want and need when it comes to the pacing of the relationship, and how to work out a situation where you can both get what you want and need in order to feel happy and safe.

Have you had a look at these two articles before:Hello Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate Healthy Relationships and Whoa, There! How to Slow Down when you're Moving too Fast?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Controversy
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I haven't had any couselling, i really think i need something though, im practically in a slump. I know it may seem odd that i just have so many issues at once, things just keep piling up on me and i don't know how to handle them.

My family just had a huge fight and i had to call the police to my home, im failing school, and i tell my parents im depressed and they just tell me to get medicine. I don't want medicine i want to somehow fix whats wrong without the help of pills.

I'm sorry that i just so randomly said those things but i just wanted to let it out to someone. I don't expect people to help me, i don't really know what im expecting, i think i just need a counselor.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So, how about we help you find a counselor?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Controversy
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Member # 50053

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I guess i should.. im still considering if i should or not.
Posts: 132 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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