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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Mother(s)hood?

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Author Topic: Mother(s)hood?
EarthenBirthed
Neophyte
Member # 61694

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So. I'm only... 15. And I'm all kinds of identity. Demisexual, panromantic, genderfluid, whateva! But, I think about my future and I can see myself getting married. I can *only* see myself married happily with a woman though. I ain't got no problem wit dat, yo. Sometimes I think really seriously about it, and I know I want kids later probably, but I can't help but feel like I'd be hurting the kids somehow. Like... how confused would they be?! To have two moms... I get worried about the dumbest things like, what would they call their mothers? Mom #1 and mom #2? I feel like that would really mess them up. Or like if someone at school asked what their mother did as a job or whatever, and they'd have to ask which one! I don't know... I mean, I don't want to agree with stereotypes or myths, but I feel like, psychologically, they might be scarred. I would feel terrible to bring someone into a life like that... I'm not sure. Maybe, by the time I want to marry it will be legal, and it'll be accepted socially to have two moms or two dads. Those are high hopes though. Really high.

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Taste by Animal Collective

Posts: 14 | From: Maryland | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, in studies on this, it's been shown pretty firmly that kids don't feel confused by having parents or families that are something other than a cisgender or straight male dad and a cis, hetero woman mother.

Kids are actually remarkably adaptive and accepting, and whatever their normal is, it's what they tend to figure is normal. That can be challenged when other people treat it differently, but so far, we've got no reason to believe it is by very much. There's also no data in studies on children in queer families to show they are "scarred." In fact, with a bunch of data to work with, so far all that's been found is that they have pretty much the exact same levels of emotional health as other kids do, with very little variation (and when there is some, so far, it's actually weighted MORE positively in queer families).

It's perhaps also worth bearing in mind the great, great diversity there is in families, not just per gender or orientation. The very American (and also pretty recent, as in, around the last 60 years or so) idea of the nuclear family as the common norm -- which, historically and internationally, even here in the states, it's not at all -- isn't reflective of most families in the world, by a lot of different merits. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just in case you want to look at reports on some of those studies for yourself:
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20051012/study-same-sex-parents-raise-well-adjusted-kids
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1994480,00.html
http://www.apa.org/monitor/dec05/kids.aspx

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
EarthenBirthed
Neophyte
Member # 61694

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Thank you, thank you, thank you! This really helped me out! It's just what I needed. Thank gosh for the people at Scarleteen [Smile]

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Taste by Animal Collective

Posts: 14 | From: Maryland | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WesLuck
Activist
Member # 56822

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Yes, they are fantastic, aren't they? [Smile]
Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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