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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Parents and Breaking the Ice

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Author Topic: Parents and Breaking the Ice
Smarties
Neophyte
Member # 93271

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I've never really been a "serious relationship" kind of gal, but my current relationship has me rethinking this stance. I want to tell my parents about my boyfriend and I want them to meet him.

However, I feel like there is this big, awkward barrier around the subject. While I enjoy a really great relationship with my parents, my romantic life has never been a topic we've discussed and they have never met anyone I've dated in the past. I'm in my mid-twenties which makes me feel more awkward because I feel like this places higher expectations on the relationship (i.e. the potential for marriage since I'm "next in line" in the family) and I don't want meeting him to seem like a big deal.

My parents are super cool and I'm probably more concerned than I need to be, but with that said, any advice on how to break the ice and manage expectations?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Can you maybe talk with your parents about this in advance of them meeting him, bringing up some of the concerns you brought up here?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Smarties
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I definitely want to talk to them in advance and voice my concerns, but since this is completely new territory in terms of my relationship with my parents, I'm not even sure where to begin. How do I bring it up without making it seem like it's a big deal?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, it seems to me this IS a big deal to you, it's just that your big deal is not wanting this to be a big deal. [Smile]

It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your parents, so my guess is you don't have to think too much about how to open or construct this take, but can pretty much just say the things you've said here freely.

So, for instance, you could open that conversation with something like, "I've never really been a "serious relationship" kind of gal, but my current relationship has me rethinking this stance. So, I want to tell [you] about my boyfriend and I want [you] to meet him.

But. I know my romantic life has never been a topic we've discussed and you haven't even met met anyone I've dated in the past. Because of my age, that makes this feel more awkward because I worry it places higher expectations on the relationship (i.e. the potential for marriage since I'm "next in line" in the family) and I don't want meeting him to seem like a big deal, or for [you] to assume meeting him means things like that about this relationship.

I'm probably more concerned than I need to be about that, but can we talk a little about managing expectations with this?"

See what I mean?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Smarties
Neophyte
Member # 93271

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Thanks! I can't believe I didn't see it that way before. It seems so simple. I think my worries were just getting the better of me. I still think I need some time before bringing it up, but that approach seems like the best way. Again, thank you.
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WesLuck
Activist
Member # 56822

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All the best, Smarties! [Smile]
Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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