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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Boyfriend Troubles... Help? :(

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Author Topic: Boyfriend Troubles... Help? :(
Cassiiee
Neophyte
Member # 95203

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So... i have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and he does not trust me one bit. he wont let me talk to my bestfriends or my friends or ex's and it really doesn't help for me to be bi so i cant talk to girls at all [Frown]
and he's SUPER jealous all the time. He accuses me of cheating everyday. It seems as though he's using me for money and my car because he lost is job and i got him that job but he decided to steal and its a crime to steal and i got really upset and i have no idea what to do i really like him and everything but i dont no why i am so hung up on this stealing thing.
So he lost his job he cant pay rent so he wants me to pay his rent and its like he sees my bank account balance and suddenly be's nice to me... i dont no if thats just me or not...
He does do some nice things too its not all bad and because i get so guilty all the time i dont no what to do.
He says he loves me and i love him but i dont get to spend the money i earned on me and i dont get payed that much either [Frown]
And we never go out and when we do i pay its like i'm the guy and he's the chick... i'm meant to have all the emotions and problems he's meant to be the rock.
He says all the time "Don't leave me, your the best thing i have in my life"
My parents banned him from the house because he stole and to make things worse when he gets money he either buys smokes or green. I dont get it is it better to be HIGH or to have some place to live?
I really dont know what to do... Help? [Frown]

Posts: 5 | From: Perth | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Welcome to Scarleteen, Cassiiee.

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so upset! It doesn't sound like your relationship is very positive or supportive. Can you take a look at this article for us to get a better idea of how good (or bad) this relationship is for you?
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/37/t/000003.html

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cassiiee
Neophyte
Member # 95203

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Heres my checklist [Frown]

Checklist
[x] My partner is very jealous, gets jealous easily
[x] My partner follows me around, checks up on me a lot
[x] My partner tries to control how I dress or who I spend time with (friends, family, coworkers)
[x] My partner yells, calls me names, puts me down
[x] I hide things that I think would upset or anger my partner (phone numbers, letters, photos)
[] I am afraid to say no to sex
[] My partner threatens me, or has threatened me
[]My partner hits, throws or breaks things when angry
[] I am fraid to disagree with my partner
[] My partner has pushed, slapped, punched or otherwise hurt me
[]I feel like my partner's anger is my fault

He doesn't yell at me but he calls me names and puts me down.

It seems really bad but i feel like i cant do anything. and when i talk to him he just nods and says "i love you"
I dont no what to say to get his attention...
when he doesn't get what he wants he does what a child does... the silent treatment and does a sad face and wont do anything till he gets it...

Posts: 5 | From: Perth | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Thanks for filling out that checklist. It looks like there are a lot of unhealthy things going on in this relationship, so it's no wonder you're feeling unhappy!

You say you cannot do anything, but you know, you're not the one with the behavior that needs changing. He is emotionally abusive to you, and that is not your fault. It is not okay of him to treat you the way he is treating you.

It also sounds like he isn't at all open to hearing you on this, or having any sort of an open conversation.

My very best advice to you in this situation would be to leave this relationship. Relationships are supposed to be positive parts of our lives, they are supposed to make us feel happy, loved and supported. This relationship isn't making you happy, and your partner doesn't sound supportive or respectful of you at all.

Do you feel able to do that? Do you have any friends or family who can support you in that?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cassiiee
Neophyte
Member # 95203

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He will cry and say don't leave me your the only good thing I have. I will feel so bad because that's what I'm like... I have one friend and my family only thinks about themselves and their image [Frown]
He has no where to go to

Posts: 5 | From: Perth | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
set me free
Neophyte
Member # 95215

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Hi Cass!
I don't know what I can say to help you because I'm not very experienced at these kind of things like some of the regulars who post at scarleteen!

But I just wanted to let you know that I support you every step of the way so you can eventually find a relationship that you deserve. [Smile]

In my opinion, what he is doing is emotionally blackmailing you to stay and it's not okay at all. It's very unfair on you for him to say that and using it to guilt you into staying in an unhealthy relationship.

Try and stay strong and keep smiling!

Posts: 3 | From: alaska | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Whether he has anywhere to go, or any sort of support system, should not be your concern. He is clearly not concerned about your well-being in the way that he is treating you, and you are not responsible for him. Your first responsibility is to yourself, and to your own health and well-being.

If you cannot talk to your family about this, can you maybe confide in your friend? Or maybe a school counselor or a teacher you particularly trust? In situations like this, it often helps to have someone in your corner, someone who listens to you and supports you.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cassiiee
Neophyte
Member # 95203

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@set me free: Thank you [Smile] i really appreciate it!! <3
@September: I just think that if i break it off he will just basically go to a deep deep dark whole but thats to you and set me free i see and i see exactly what i want!! A Happpy healthy loving relationship and happy friendships [Smile]

i just dont no how to start that [Frown]
Thank you!!! [Big Grin]
xxxxxx

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September
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I am glad to hear that we've been able to help you! [Smile]

Now let's see if we can't find a way to get where you would like to be. Firstly, have you been able to identify someone you can confide in with this and ask for their support? If you're not sure about your family or friends, then talking to a school counselor or a teacher you trust is also an excellent idea.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cassiiee
Neophyte
Member # 95203

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I started believeing what you guys said a few days ago but i didn't want to believe it so a stage of denial... then i talked to my bestfriend and basically told him everything and so i had you guys and him and i talked to my mum and she cheered me on too.
So i broke up with him about 1 hour ago [Smile]
I feel really sad and stuff but i just gotta over come it [Smile]
Thank you [Smile]
xoxo

Posts: 5 | From: Perth | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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I am so glad to hear that you have been able to find support, and to find the strength to end that relationship! Go you! [Smile] It's especially cool your have your mom on your side, mothers can be such awesome sources of strength.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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