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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I'm a virgin and he's not

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Author Topic: I'm a virgin and he's not
Member # 95185

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This guy I'm dating has pretty much done everything in bed and I haven't done anything. I have absolutely no experience and I'm scared that when we do start getting intimate I might mess up. I'm scared that I'll do something I'm not supposed to and he won't have any anymore interest in me. Can you give me some advice?
Posts: 1 | From: United States | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 25425

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The most important "skills" when it comes to sex are honesty, open communication, and curiosity. Everything else is stuff that is super individual to you, the person you are with, and the specific situation you are in.

So, while this guy may have had sex before, he's never had sex with YOU. You'll both be new to sex with each other, and you'll get to explore that together.

My suggestion in this situation is that you talk to him openly about how you feel. Does he know you're a little scared? If not, it's a good idea to share that. He might well feel nervous, too! If you are honest with each other about how you feel, it's much easier to relax and get comfortable.

And once you get to physical activity, make sure to keep communicating. Let him know what feels good and what doesn't, what you are and aren't comfortable with. And ask him to do the same.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Sex is done in private because it isn't a show. It seems like you've got a little stage fright about this. The time spent having sex belongs to the people having it, and there is no script. If it takes you time to learn, or even if you have to give up and come back to it another time, let that still be a positive and relaxing experience. Talk to your boyfriend about his expectations for your first time. I can tell you my first time ended in us giving up in fits of laughter at both of our fumbling cluelessness. I think you should remember that he had a first for everything too. Ask him about it and you'll probably find that he had similar fears. Tell him you feel the same way and i think he'll understand.
Posts: 16 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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