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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Online dating

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Author Topic: Online dating
kamille
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Member # 42270

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Hi there,

I've been chatting with someone (28 year old) on an online dating site for about a month. He asked me out for a drink today.

The reality of my situation is that I'm 21 and have only had one serious boyfriend before. I've "dated" a few other boys in the past but they've either been my friends, or friends of friends so I sort of already felt comfortable and casual with them. So I've never really been on a real "date."

What's your experience with online dating? Do you have any advice for me? I suppose I'm a little nervous, more about actually going on a "real" date.

Posts: 125 | From: Canada | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Online dating can be a great way to establish a connection with someone in a way that feels safe and comfortable. After all, if someone doesn't reply to a message, you might still be disappointed, but it's less awkward than being turned down in person. So, that's definitely a perk of online dating. On the other hand, it's always a good idea to move an online friendship into the real world as soon as you can, as it's easy to fill in the gaps in your mind when all you have is words on the screen, and you might get too involved before you really know whether there is in-person chemistry.

So, I think it's definitely a good idea for you to meet and see what's the what.

My advice here would simply be to take some precautions. Make sure you meet this person in a public place, and if you can, also let a friend know where you are going and how they can reach you.

Outside of that, just try to relax and go with your gut.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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kamille
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Okay, that makes sense. But I'm still a little nervous about going on a date! Like I said, I've never really been on one before.
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September
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First dates can be pretty daunting. If you feel comfortable with it, you can let your friend know that you feel a little awkward - maybe that will take some of the pressure off for you.

Another thing that might help would be to spend some time thinking about possible topics, so you don't have to worry about a lull in the conversation. What do you two have in common? What have you talked about so far that's been interesting for both of you?

And most of all, it helps to remember that you don't owe anyone anything, and that you have nothing to lose. If you and this guy end up having a good time - great! You can go on more dates, maybe it leads somewhere. And if you wind up having nothing to say to each other - well, that might be disappointing, but ultimately it won't be a big deal. You'll know that he's not for you, and you can move on and meet new people.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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kamille
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Great! Thanks for the advice. That was really helpful. One more question: Is going for a drink an appropriate first date?
Posts: 125 | From: Canada | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Something casual like going out for coffee or a drink is a pretty common first date. However, the most important factor is whether you feel comfortable with it. Does meeting for a drink feel good for you? Then it's perfectly appropriate!

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kamille
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Member # 42270

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Great! Thank you so much [Smile]
Posts: 125 | From: Canada | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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