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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My First Love - Excited, but some doubts.

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Author Topic: My First Love - Excited, but some doubts.
Member # 95148

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Hello Scarleteen! I've been a reader for a long time, and have used the message boards in the past (thought it has been a few years, and I couldn't recall my old login information, so I had to create a new account. I hope that is ok!)

Right now I'd just like to say... I've finally experienced love! Through the few relationships that I've had, I've been very skeptical about the reality of love because I've never felt it. I've also been afraid that love only comes from lust, and that once a certain period of time passes, those butterflies go away.

I have to say, I think I'm in love with this guy. I met about six months ago, and we've been exclusively dating for about five and a half months. Honestly, when we first started dating I just thought it would be a fun short-term thing. But things really sparked between us, and nothing has really felt wrong. We communicate well, respect each other, support each other, and make each other happy.

However, I still have this little doubtful side of me. Part of me says that it's all temporary, and that six months isn't really long enough to be in love with someone. (My mom has told me this many times). I also have this fear that one of us will fall out of love with the other. I know right now we are fine, but I've seen relationships fall apart one, five, or even ten years into the relationship just because one person decided that they didn't need the other person anymore.

I'm not sure why I have these thoughts. It's not like anything has happened to me specifically in the past to make me distrustful. Maybe it's because my mom mentions things like that, just because they are things that "I should think about." Maybe it's because this is the first time I've ever been completely in love and vulnerable with someone, and I'm afraid of getting hurt.

(Actually, I think that he feels the same way sometimes. I know he's had his heart broken by a girl he's loved before.)

Are these feelings normal? Any alternative perspectives would be nice [Smile] Thank you!

Posts: 120 | From: Washington State - USA | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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That always is exciting! Also often scary as hell, confusing, dizzying...the works. Really connecting with someone else and starting to develop a deeper relationship is one of the cooler rollercoasters of life, IMO. [Smile]

I don't know what "in love" means to you. To me, that tends to mean feeling feelings of connection that are romantic, even if they're other things, and feeling the possibility of developing love, or kind of embarking on that journey. So, from where I'm sitting, people can have those feelings even when they first meet a person. Now, those kinds of feelings do often change over time, like most feelings change and shift and evolve (or not) over time. Sometimes they do fizzle out. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they shift into something else.

It's also pretty typical for al relationships to change over time, so people, for instance, deciding years into a relationship that that relationship isn't right for them anymore, or what they want, does happen. Very few relationships in life are permanent or lifelong, or, at least, aren't the same relationship through all of life. I think that's okay, but I also think that's part of life, and pretty unavoidable. I also don't think how long a given relationship or kind of relationship lasts necessarily tells us anything about its value or quality.

But feeling nervous about any of this, scared about it, worried, especially when something is new and feeling are running high is totally normal. Opening up to another person in any way is a big deal.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 95148

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Yes, it is very exciting. I to love him more than I've ever really loved someone, other than my own family, before. And when I say love, I mean that I am very physically attracted to him, feel romantic around him, but also just feel really safe, relaxed, and myself around him. All of those things make a pretty amazing combination.

Thank you for your perspective, it makes me feel ok about feeling nervous. It also makes me excited for whatever our relationship brings!!!

On a less serious and more fun note, our six month anniversary is coming up! Any fun ideas?

Posts: 120 | From: Washington State - USA | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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That sounds great, Kabith; I'm pleased you're feeling better.

Here's an interesting article for you to check about love: Love Letter - it's one of my favourites. [Smile]

As for your six month anniversary I can only suggest having a talk with him about all the things you really love to do together and see how many of those things you can fit into a day - and if you can't do it - there's always the next day. [Smile] Have fun!

'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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