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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Unsure What to Think of Partner's Comment

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Author Topic: Unsure What to Think of Partner's Comment
swingsets
Neophyte
Member # 95110

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Alright, so I recently slept with someone I have been talking to for a while (we had previously made out at a party a few months back), and I'm kind of bothered by a comment he made afterwards. He went down on me a couple times throughout, which is something he said he never does, except to "wifeys and girls [he's] been with for at least six months." Now, I guess this is supposed to be flattering to me somehow, but in his making the distinction between girls he's committed to and those he's only sleeping with (pretty positive that's where we're at), I feel sorta uncomfortable. Probably weird of me to get bent out of shape over this, but I can't help it. *Should* I feel flattered, or what? It just seems like such a backhanded compliment...
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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Did you talk about this comment some more with him? Have you been able to tell him that it has made you feel uncomfortable and why? How did he react to that?

We can't really know how he meant it, so the best person to talk to about this is this guy.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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swingsets
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Right, of course. I didn't ask him to explain, I guess because I felt like maybe he was just saying it and it might not be the truth; you know, something he tells all the girls he hooks up with, to make them feel "special" or something. I dunno. I'm still trying to get a feel for him. The first night we met he told me that he is more into dating than hooking up, but given the way things have progressed between us (he only seems interested in sex), I don't know what to believe, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to get a straight answer out of him.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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That feeling -- your feeling he isn't being honest with you and won't be -- what would you say that's based on?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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swingsets
Neophyte
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My own insecurity, most likely, although I do feel like he misled me a little. For example, I felt that we clicked the night we met from the conversation we had, and when we were texting the next day, he told me that he had to do some traveling for work and asked me to send him a picture (it wasn't risque or anything like that) so that he would "stay out of trouble." However, all of our texting after that point sort of became all about when we were going to "hang out" next, not about getting to know anything more about each other. Also, he's been away a lot for work since, and I don't know if this "staying out of trouble" thing still stands. For someone who said that they really only date instead of hooking up, that "trouble" comment just seems to imply otherwise to me. I don't know, though.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I asked that because if this is your gut instinct -- and sometimes a random comment can do that for us, kind of connect us to a gut feeling about someone -- or something you think you're getting from him, I'd be inclined to trust it.

In other words, if you felt like you were being played in some way, I think it's okay to figure that maybe you were, and then think about what you want and need moving forward from there.

Do you want to try and continue this as -- well, something, whatever that something is -- or do you want to ditch it and move on?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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swingsets
Neophyte
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Yeah, I think you're right. The thing is, I don't even mind if my relationship with him *is* only sexual, but I do mind that he misrepresented his motive for talking to me. If we continue to hook up, then I will probably try to get him to own up to that.
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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You don't like that he wasn't honest. How will getting him to own up to his intentions make things different?

In other words, how important is this to you to have challenging conversations with him trying to get him to tell you what you think he is thinking? It sounds like a lot of work for a relationship that is supposed to be pretty laid back, but that's just an observation that you're welcome to take with an ample shake of salt. [Smile]

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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