posted
Hi there, i am a lesbian in a relationship which i feel is going somewhere, but sex is really stressing me and my partner out ...a real lot. she is convinced if i don't orgasm which i never did in last few months, that she is bad ..and not right for me.
i have tried to tell her that we should both relax and just enjoy sex which has worked out once when i almost did reach.., but she is saying that we should not have sex for a few months, because i don't orgasm..which btw i think is plain stupid...but she wont accept
she is really great in bed , and has been with other women but for me she is my first, so i feel a lot of pressure here every time we did have because its like a question and answer round after sex where she asks me if i orgasmed...i said yes once and then she asked me to describe it and then immediately said "no you did not", when i did.
and everytime she reassures me that many woman dont orgasm and sent me many links explaining it on the internet..but the last time we had, she is like we should not have sex because it's stressing her out ( i was like now you know ! )i really dont know what to say...she says she wants to talk about it tomorrow..i really dont know what to say
PS : i hope i posted in the right place
-------------------- All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; Posts: 94 | From: the land of the nizams | Registered: Sep 2011
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posted
Do you think this partner is ready to have a sexual relationship with someone else where they really see and understand that that person and their sexual experience is about that person, not about her?
In other words, she isn't in charge or control of someone else's sexual responses, and while she may be a part of them, and influence them, they are still more about the other person than they are about her. Sounds like she's making your sexual response (or lack thereof) about her.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63423 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
She has many times in the past, said its ok that i dont , but i feel she has a problem since last time when i gave her one.
i am trying to tell her that it does not matter to me if i do or do not, because i enjoy what we have, but she on the other hand has come up with this theory that if we dont have sex for a while ...when we finally do, then i will reach.(btw with which i do not agree and dont know what to do now )
-------------------- All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; Posts: 94 | From: the land of the nizams | Registered: Sep 2011
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posted
ok ..am talking to her about it right now...will get back later
-------------------- All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; Posts: 94 | From: the land of the nizams | Registered: Sep 2011
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posted
How about perhaps talking about the fact that if she can't come to sex with you with a clear sense of you two being separate people, and your sexual response having a lot less to do with her, or say about her, than she seems to be expecting/framing it like, then THAT is a sound reason for you two not to be sexual. Far more so, I'd say, than you reaching orgasm or not because she, clearly, needs you to for herself.
In other words, it sounds to me like it might not be so sound for YOU to be sexual with this person given the dynamics afoot, and still wouldn't be even if you were reaching orgasm. Get what I mean?
(Also? This kind of sounds like a weird kind of orgasm-blackmail to me. In other words, like she's saying she will withhold sex until and unless you orgasm more. And if that's what's going on, that's really not cool or healthy.)
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63423 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Umm Heather i did not understand what you meant ..when you said its not sound for me to be sexual with her
-------------------- All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; Posts: 94 | From: the land of the nizams | Registered: Sep 2011
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posted
I mean that you're voicing feeling awfully pressured here, which I can certainly understand. Pressure is being exerted on you to sexually respond/perform a certain way, so you're likely to feel it.
It also sounds like this person is not coming to sex with you in a way that strikes me as healthy for you.
So, form where I am sitting, I see compelling reasons for you to step back from sex with her until or unless she can adjust her approaches and attitudes here. And doing that isn't about trying to get to an outcome of reaching orgasm, but to have a sexual relationship that's healthy.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63423 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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