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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » new relationship

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Author Topic: new relationship
melissa1506
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Member # 30972

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Hello as you know from my previous posts I came out of a relationship in june with my ex of 7 years. He cheated on me and did me wrong got someone pregnant. I wanted nothing more then to get back with him the last 8 months , ive dated him, and others and that was all i wanted.

now im 2 weeks into a new guy i know from college 10 years ago, we went on 3 dates and the ex is fully gone from my mind . No guy I have dated since made me forget him.

besides this yesterday was date #3 with the new guy we went to dinner, and then after went to house where we "fooled around" we didnt have sex.

I really like this guy and didnt want to blow it, but it was natural i guess for things to happen
before i could even drive home he text me saying" thank you for tonight seriously"
i replied by saying thank you for what it wasnt a favor i really like you andhe said " i like you too, you are a nice girl and good looken but it was 3 dates, we are talkin 2 weeks and i want to take it slow being we both just got out of relationships. He said and besides i havent seen your mean side yet.........am i wasting my time here? or does he seriously want to take it slow?

Posts: 88 | From: ny | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Can I ask why you think he didn't mean what he said?

In other words, it seems he's the one who put taking things slow out there first. Do you have any reason to think he wasn't doing so in earnest, because that's what he wants?

(That said, I don't think a few dates ask much of anyone's time, so I don't think you really have to worry about if you're wasting your time or not, you know? It wouldn't be sound to invest a lot of heart and energy this early into anything, no matter what, and if you like this guy and have good feelings about this so far, why not take him at his word, have a few more dates and see how it goes as it goes?)

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissa1506
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well its may and im back with the same concern! the guy i had started to see in feb, i continued dating him feb, march, ( april we didnt talk, my choice i had alot going on.), and now may we are back and I am really liking him and feeling him we go out, we also are having sex but we are exclusive, unofficially .He says he does not want to rush into a relationship but yet is only sleeping with me. He calls me everyday iows a really nice guy, but at this point is it still okay for him 2 say he does not want to rush into a relationship? should I let things continue to flow and see how they go?
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Sans
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It's definitely okay for someone, at any point in the relationship, to express their want to take things slow or to abstain from sex, and for their wishes to be respected.

Has he ever expressed, before, during, or after you've had sex, that he does not want/is not ready for sex? Has he ever been reluctant to engage in sex? Has he fully and enthusiastically expressed his consent every time?

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissa1506
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Hello im sorry maybe you misunderstood me and I wasnt clear! Im sorry. We are sexually active and have sex pretty much whenever we see each other. What I meant was that he dont w ant rush into things, is he dont want to rush into a relationship bc we both were in long ones. I oringinally understood this in Feb when we firs started dating but is it normal for him to still not to want a relationship? and just see each other ? I dont want to rush him but we ba bsically are like a couple with out the title. so why not the title?
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Sans
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Oh, I see. [Smile] Sorry about that.

By relationship, do you mean a dating relationship, as opposed to a sexual one? By your post, I can see that you and your boyfriend are currently engaging in a sexual relationship. If I'm mistaken in any aspect, please correct me.

What is your definition and understanding of the components of a "relationship"? Are you concerned about your boyfriend not wanting to come out to others as a couple? Hence your usage of the term "title"?

I am still confused as to what sort of relationship you are referring to.

I am heading off for the night but will check back with you tomorrow.

Take care.

[ 05-12-2012, 09:19 PM: Message edited by: SansNom ]

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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