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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Trust Issues

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Author Topic: Trust Issues
Member # 81863

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Hi! I've been dealing with a couple of issues and its gotten to the point that I really need to talk to someone about them.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We've been dating since sophomore year of high school and we are currently sophomores in college. Before we started dating, I already heard of him though--he had such a huge reputation at my school, quite frankly everywhere. Surprisingly it wasn't bad at all, it was a really great reputation, all the girls thought he was devastatingly handsome, incredibly nice, intelligent, athletic and so on.

He had a girlfriend at the time but since he and I had mutual friends, we got to talking. Feelings developed and I made the decision to cut ties, after all he had a girlfriend. They eventually broke up and he and I started to talk seriously with the intent of dating.

Over the course of 4 years, countless girls have tried to break us up. His ex that he was with prior to me, was one of them--in fact, she kept trying to win him back despite our being together for three years at that time. Suffice to say, I've been very insecure about anything concerning her. My boyfriend emotionally cheated on me with her a couple of months back. I say emotionally simply because he thought he still had feelings for her and was considering breaking up with me for her. We overcame that.

The issue that I'm trying to get at though is my trust issues. I seriously am uncomfortable with him interacting with other girls. I magnify any issue and it gets to be an argument with him. He's so incredibly patient with me though and quite frankly, I know he cares very much about me--thats the one thing I've never doubted. I'm just scared that one girl will suddenly come along and change everything. Its not all girls though, I'm more than fine with him hanging out with girls I know and so forth. What makes it harder for me though, is that he and I have such different perspectives--he won't volunteer info and so I would have to ask whats going on and sometimes if I do, and he knows I wont like the answer, he'll lie.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!!!

Posts: 57 | Registered: Oct 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 72701

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Hey Stereohearts
Sorry that this hasn't gotten a response yet, I'd like to give my opinion on this.

It sounds that you both have some little issues with communication in your relationship if he lies to you instead of telling you the truth when it'll hurt you. Have you talked to him about this? Since you both got over the issue with his ex has he ever brought it up again? Have you tried sitting down with him and just telling him that you don't want any distance between you when it comes to things like this because it makes you worry?

Have you told him how this makes you feel at all?

SilverLining 2012

Posts: 97 | From: Lost along in the Caribbean... | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 81863

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He doesn't necessarily outright lie, in my opinion. If I've asked him if he contacted a girl, he thinks a fb comment doesnt fall under "contacting a girl" I think he and I just have very different ways of thinking.

He's never brought up his ex at all. He prefers to forget about it completely because in his head, it was a stupid mistake and doesn't matter. He said that she doesnt matter so why even waste time thinking about her.

I've told him but he thinks Im being insecure. Granted, that may be true but his lack of communication only makes things worse. I honestly wish I could just relax and be comfortable with him hanging out/talking to other girls. I don't want to be paranoid or possessive and I feel like all this worrying is making me become someone I dont want to be.

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Meryl Anne
Member # 93859

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I'd just like to say that I understand what you're going through. I don't know how to help you, but I feel like we are going through almost the same thing.
Posts: 47 | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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