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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Moving in with overseas boyfriend

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Author Topic: Moving in with overseas boyfriend
Member # 43289

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So, I've posted about this situation before. A lot of what I have been worried about has kind of sorted itself out.

This Summer, I am moving to England and into a house in London with my wonderful English boyfriend. We will both be attending grad school. He already has an offer which he has accepted and I am still waiting to hear back.

Although, I got rejected from my first choice school. It was literally the school of my dreams. I've wanted to go there my entire undergrad career and I am still literally crushed that I didn't get in. That rejection was a total shock that has kind of started a cascade of all of these other doubts and I'm wondering if they're legitimate and something is wrong with my relationship or if I'm just having natural jitters about a big life transition.

My parents really do not want me to go to England but they've kind of given up on trying to convince me to do otherwise. They have agreed to help me financially plan and will make sure I have enough money so that I'm not starving or homeless but they will not pay my tuition no matter where I get in (even though they can very comfortably afford it). They've made it clear that they want me to stay in the U.S. because I'm American and they want to live close to me and they don't want to move to England. Even though I really want to go to England, the prospect of my family being permanently angry at me scares the crap out me.

I still don't know yet if I got into grad school and I don't have any solid back-up plans if I don't get in anywhere. My boyfriend wants me to come to England and live with him even if I don't get in but if I'm not in school it will be a lot harder for me to get a visa to stay there. Also, my parents will probably go ape s*** if I do that. They want me to delay graduating and stay in school puttering around another year, maybe getting another minor or something, if I don't get in. If I do that, I'm scared that my boyfriend will break up with me because being on opposite sides of the ocean is hard, especially if we don't know when we'll see each other next. Our relationship is great and we love each other but he's about at his wits end with the distance thing. He wants us to just be physically together and not have to worry about separation. I want that too. I just don't want to be stupid or impulsive about it.

Even though it's largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, I'm sad that I won't get to keep very much of my stuff that I've accumulated through my undergraduate years. I have an awesome bed, a well-loved couch, lots of kitchen gadgets, lots of wall decor and posters and things that I won't be able to bring to England because they're too expensive to ship. Most of these things are either gifts from my parents or things I bought with friends and old room mates that have stories and memories behind them.

I love my boyfriend and I want to be with him so badly but I'm terrified of leaving my life behind. I already know a lot of what to expect because by then we will have been together for two years, I was in England with him for the first nine months of our relationship, and we lived together for four months before I had to go back to the U.S. to finish my degree. I guess what I'm asking is, am I being totally stupid and impulsive here? Is moving to England the terrible life-ruining idea that my parents seem to think it is? Am I letting other people decide things for me too much?

Posts: 63 | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Let's, for a moment, set aside how your parents feel about this.

Looking at this situation realistically, including the possibility of not being able to go to school while there, and also setting aside if your BF will break up with you if you don't move, is this something YOU really want to do? Are really excited about? That seems like a great opportunity for you to explore?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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