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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Boyfriend has hygiene problem? (Not that big a deal, but ugh)

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Author Topic: Boyfriend has hygiene problem? (Not that big a deal, but ugh)
EauDbedroomDancing
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Member # 70608

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Hey, sorry this is kind of TMI haha. But lately my boyfriend has given up completely on his hygiene. He won't brush his teeth so he's got really bad breath and yellow gross stuff all over his teeth. He won't use shampoo so his hair is super greasy and he rarely showers. (And when he does he won't use soap). It's getting really gross for me, because kissing him is unpleasant. Also when I perform oral sex on him he smells/tastes bad :-/

He refuses to do these things because he's really paranoid about certain things being bad for you (for instance, he's convinced the flouride in toothpaste will kill him). I tried explaining to him how I felt about this without hurting his feelings...but he got upset and said I was trying to make him do things he doesn't want to.

How can I make him understand how this is for me? I know it's not the biggest deal in the world...I can live with it, but it's pretty gross and annoying. And I'm scared this is going to affect his health! Any suggestions?

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"My whole life looked like a picture of a sunny day..."

Posts: 34 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, thinking toothpaste will kill you sounds like very extreme paranoia to me, and I'm more concerned about his mental health than how he smells, from the sounds of things.

Is this this same person: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/3/t/011295/p/1.html#000000

If so, you'll note that we've discussed a similar issue with him before and suggested professional help. Did he ever seek any therapy out then?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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whilemyguitargentlyweeps
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Hey EauDbedroomDancing,

I was in a relationship for a while where my then-boyfriend had a lot of strange qualms about everyday activities and hygiene, so I understand your frustration! If you're afraid he won't listen to you, do you have an intermediary to whom you can relay concerns (mutual friend?) and whom he might listen to? I recently had a similar issue with another friend, and I found that having a mutual friend whom my friend respected intervene eased the tension.

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Smthng56
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If you are talking about same person in both threads, like Heather said, then I have to say that he probably needs professional help about his mental heath. You could talk about to his relatives or close friends, cause this can turn out to be very serious problem.
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EauDbedroomDancing
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Yes, this is the same guy. I did suggest that he seek help awhile ago. He actually took it well, and he agreed to see a psychiatrist. He was eventually put on anti-depressants. They've actually been helping quite a bit. Also, sorry...I think I made him out to be much more paranoid then he actually is! He's was concerned that flouride is bad for him, so he was using baking soda in place of tooth paste for awhile. But then he stopped (which he admitted today was due to laziness). I talked to him about it today, and he really had no idea how much it bugged me. He agreed to start brushing his teeth/showering more often.

He does have his moments where his depression gets him and he's suddenly fatigued and doesn't feel like doing much (this isn't often though), but he's progressed a lot and hasn't accused me of not loving him in a very long time. He also went back to school, and got a part-time job.

Sorry, it totally sounds like I'm making excuses for him, but I do feel like I made this seem more extreme than it actually was...and his depression is starting to get a lot better.

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"My whole life looked like a picture of a sunny day..."

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It's totally okay.

Is he still seeing that therapist? I ask because I'd say if he isn't, it sounds like it's time to start that back up, especially since this might be about depression, but it might be about something else.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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EauDbedroomDancing
Neophyte
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Yes, he's still seeing the therapist, but recently his sessions were cut from once a week to once every other week...so he is experiencing a lot of anxiety over that. Do you think his anxiety could be the reason?

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"My whole life looked like a picture of a sunny day..."

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Not knowing the whole of his history, I don't know, but what you're describing with this sounds like a combo of paranoia and depression.

Has he told his therapist about these worries?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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