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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » "long distance" troubles

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Author Topic: "long distance" troubles
whilemyguitargentlyweeps
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My boyfriend lives far from me, and we're apart for the winter holidays. I won't see him until the term starts in 3.5 weeks. He's been sick, so we haven't had a chance to Skype or talk (aside from some texting) until today. He's still not feeling well, but he's seen the doctor and now has medication.

At any rate, he wasn't up to Skyping, so we resorted to chatting online instead. The conversation felt very awkward and stilted... we've chatted online plenty of times before, and usually the first time or two we talk online when we're apart is a little awkward. But I feel very uneasy now: nothing has really happened to either of us, and we don't have much to talk about, for whatever reason. If we were able to talk face-to-face on Skype, I think it would be better.

He's shy and sometimes reserved when he's sick/stressed/in a bad mood. When in person, we talk through awkward situations, but I don't really want to confront him over chat, especially if it's nothing.

I should be patient and assume it will be better when we have a chance to talk face-to-face or even next time we chat. It's just that we've been together for nearly two years and have had to deal with this kind of long distance a number of times. I wish it would get easier...

[ 12-27-2011, 10:20 PM: Message edited by: whilemyguitargentlyweeps ]

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Saffron Raymie
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Does this only seem to be a problem when you two are chatting online with typing, not with Skype or anything of that nature?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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whilemyguitargentlyweeps
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Yes, Skyping has always been better. Due to connection problems, we used to chat exclusively, and sometimes we would go back to it even after we were able to Skype. So we managed, and we've some really good conversations over chat, but I miss his voice and face. It's a lot easier to pick up on little cues if you can see/hear each other.
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WesLuck
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I've found that typing for a period of time longer than a few minutes quite "non-emotive", it's like the text loses it's emotive powers, or perhaps it is because there is no visual stimulus or recognition of faces which we have in face-to-face conversations or video conversations.
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Saffron Raymie
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I think you've got some sound ideas about this, Guitar. It's easier to disengage with text; to wander of from the computer or to run out of things to say - however close you are. That's because the visual is a huge part of comunication - as is touch and shared experience. The more senses that are shut down, the more of a lonely feel the conversation has, and the more it can feel like there is absolutely nothing to say.

This can lead to one or both people feeling insecure in a way that they would do on Skype or in person.

As a personal anecdote, my partner and I have to avoid chat when one of us isn't feeling too great - we were very suprised at how many problems it can cause. This happened long distance and non-long distance.

So, my advice to you would be to wait until you have an emotionally safer form of communication; like Skype, and engage in some self-care in the meantime; give yourself some space from him and take care for now.

[ 12-28-2011, 08:14 AM: Message edited by: Seashy Rae ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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whilemyguitargentlyweeps
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Thank you for your insight, both of you.

We'll speak again soon, but I'll ask that we Skype.

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Saffron Raymie
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You're welcome, Guitar. Hope you have a nice Skype.

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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