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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Should I lose my virginity to this guy?

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Author Topic: Should I lose my virginity to this guy?
Member # 93185

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Hi. This is going to sound really stupid but basically I'm 18, 19 in a couple of weeks, and I'm a virgin. No offers of boyfriends are forthcoming at the moment, I'm at a university that is attended by an overwhelming majority of girls, and I don't know when I'll find a boyfriend. I've had boyfriends before but I have never even been kissed.

I've met a guy on Twitter. Sounds weird but we're getting on really well, and he says I am beautiful. Not in a creepy way or to get anything out of me, just to be nice. He says he is surprised that I don't have a boyfriend, and he is desperate for a girlfriend after being really hurt by his previous girlfriend.

He lives three hours away from me. He will be coming to my city soon, and I will probably end up meeting him.

I'm just wondering - what happens if we meet, and end up having sex? I can't tell whether I find him attractive or not from his pics. What if we meet, and I don't find him attractive?

We have so much in common, I'm wondering if it comes to that, that I should just do it to say I've done it. I mean, I would LOVE to have sex. I definitely feel emotionally ready, whereas at 16 I wasn't.

But I am not DESPERATE to have sex. Actually, ideally I'd like to lose it to another virgin, but most guys at my age will have done it already, right? And it might be months before I meet another potential partner. So it's like I should take the opportunity if it arises, but it wouldn't be a serious relationship as he lives so far away. Maybe it's best to lose it to a friend, I don't know. (I've been talking to him since October).

I know it sounds creepy planning what might happen if I have sex with a guy I met over the internet, but I think it is a very real possibility and I want to be prepared. What do you think I should do?

Posts: 1 | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42505

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There's a few questions here, I'll try to address them one-by-one.

What happens if you end up having sex? Well, I'm not sure in what terms you mean. Do you mean, emotionally, physically? If you don't use protection then one result could be pregnancy or STIs. There could be emotional consequences too, but that really varies person to person.

What if you don't find him attractive? Well, then, you don't. You don't have to do anything with him you don't want to.

As to whether you should have sex just to say you've done it - ultimately why you have sex is totally up to you. But if that's the only reason you are doing it, it likely won't really be very fun or enjoyable. If you have sex when you want to - and want to with that person - then it is much more likely to be enjoyable.

Also, there are still plenty of people your age who have not had sex yet, I promise.

In the end, we really can't tell you what you should do, because there is no SHOULD. Check out these pages, I think they can help:
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To
Safer Sex...for Your Heart
Getting Real: Relationships on the Net
First Intercourse 101

Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

Posts: 876 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 94272

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So he's coming to meet you in a couple weeks, so if you're worried about the attraction, it might be best to meet him in a public place with lots of people first. Like take him out to a coffee shop or restaurant and get to know each other that way. It'll not only help you realize if there's attraction there, but it can also keep you safe from harm and you can have a way to get out of the situation, if need be.

If you decide to go ahead and have sex, definitely prepare and read what Kat linked to in the above post. Think about it and do what feels right for you.

[ 01-31-2012, 08:15 PM: Message edited by: Sulma ]

Posts: 6 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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