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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Have I done anything wrong?

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Author Topic: Have I done anything wrong?
Member # 92345

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This March, I fell in love for the first time. I fell in love with an awkward 14 year old boy. He's so intelligent, and funny, and his voice is like audio erotica. The problem is, I'm not sure he likes me back, not even as a friend, since his philosophy on friendship is, "The more I get to know a person, the more I dislike them." That piece of information hurts me to no end.
A couple of days ago, I just got off a cruise, and I did something I wasn't sure I should have done.
On the second night of the cruise, I met a 12 year old boy who is incredibly attractive, and I knew he liked me back. I started taking a liking to him, and soon, we started holding hands. Holding hands led to hugging, hugging led to kissing, kissing led to passionate kissing, and passionate kissing led to a handjob. I honestly couldn't believe I'd done that. I thought I was going to wait until I my friend started loving me. I was better than that, right? Even worse is that, the only guy who made me feel pretty already has a girlfriend, so that means he was cheating on her with me. I thought I was better than ruining someone's relationship, but it's like I couldn't help myself. I actually felt wanted and desired for once, and I just had to take advantage of this. Nobody knows except for one girl who doesn't even live in the same country I do, and I'm planning on telling my therapist. The only reason they won't judge me is because the first girl is more of a whore than I am, and that my therapist is paid not to judge me. I'd never tell anyone else, not even my Mom, because then, she'll never trust me again. I've cried myself to sleep over this last night, somebody please help me.

Posts: 1 | From: My Own Little World | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 26516

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Hi LoveTriangle, welcome to Scarleteen. I'm so sorry this was missed! [Frown]

It sounds like you feel really bad about engaging in sexual activity with this guy. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time dealing with all of this. Can you tell us a bit more about why you feel so bad? Since it's been a few days, do you feel any better? I don't want to make any assumptions about your reasons and feelings and head off in a wrong direction.

How can we help you in this?

(As a side note, please refrain from calling anyone a whore here. Scarleteen is a safe space and we don't stand for character judgement about anyone's sexual history or decisions. It's part of the guidelines that you agreed to when you signed up. Thanks! [Smile] )

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Posts: 1345 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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