Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Friends and college

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Friends and college
mmiiaa
Activist
Member # 89924

Icon 9 posted      Profile for mmiiaa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hey there. I'm a college sophomore at a pretty big state university. (24,000 people). My freshman year was pretty cool, minus having an awful roommate, but it was nice since I met tons of people and met my first serious boyfriend (whom I'm still dating). But as freshman year wound down, I found that even though I met lots of people, joined clubs, was active in volunteering at my school, I had yet to find that "niche" of people that you hang out with on a regular basis.

I saw almost everyone else, hanging out with their regular group of friends, doing everything or nothing, and I feel extremely...abnormal. Like there is something wrong with me and I'm missing out on the great college experience. Don't get me wrong, I talk to and have lunch with and text a lot of people I meet. But it never develops into something where we hang out on a regular basis.

Now that I'm a sophomore, I feel even MORE like a freak. Everyone already has their set of friends, it seems like they don't want to add anymore. I considered dropping out or transferring, but I love my program here and I feel like giving up because of this would be a waste of my parents money.

But I feel like my time to meet/make that group of friends, or even that one close friend, is running out, and that I've missed my window of opportunity freshman year.

I guess I wanted to vent, but does anyone have any tips on finding that lasting/regular friendship? (I know friendship takes time, my best friends and I became friends over 6 years. But at college it seems so instant.) Am I normal? Do people meet their "group" later in college too? Or have I missed this ship..

[ 12-05-2011, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: mmiiaa ]

Posts: 47 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I can assure you that you are not a freak.

When you start over in a new place, it can often feel like everyone is connected and you're the only one who isn't. But that's not necessarily a reflection of reality.

People make new friends at all stages in life and in all sorts of situations, and we're never really "done" making friends. We're going to meet new people all the time - in new classes, at new jobs, etc, and there is always an opportunity to make friends with them.

You'll also want to keep in mind that not all of these friendships that are formed in the first year of college are friendships for life: when we start over on a brand new place, we sometimes tend to cling to the first person we meet, or a familiar face (like a roommate, a friend from high school, etc) so we don't feel so alone. And then, as time goes on and we settle in and feel more at home, we make friends that we connect with on a different level, such as shared interests or hobbies, etc.

So, please don't feel like there's no hope, alright? You can still make new friends.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mmiiaa
Activist
Member # 89924

Icon 1 posted      Profile for mmiiaa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
But is it weird that I haven't made a group of friends?

Is it really necessary to have a solid group?

I know how to meet people, but I'm not sure how to bring it further to hanging out on a regular basis kind of thing. Do you have any tips or advice?

Posts: 47 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
We all make and maintain our friendships differently. That is very much a personal preference: some people like to have big social groups, others prefer to have one or two close friends, and others still prefer a big circle of more casual connections. All of that is perfectly fine or normal.

Hanging out with people more on a regular basis is often down to one or the other taking the initiative and saying something like, "I'm having a really good time talking with you, would you like to grab some coffee with me another day to continue this conversation?" Or, if you are having lunch with people after class, you can suggest you do that again after the next class. And after someone takes that first step, and you're all having fun and connecting, things often develop very organically from there.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3