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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Sister growing up

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Author Topic: Sister growing up
Shea
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Member # 39705

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My sister has recently started dating a boy, and while before it wouldn't worry me (She used to go through boys like toilet paper) this one is different. She's already invited him to our house and plans to spend a lot of alone time with him. This prompted my mom to give her the sex talk, loudly, which got me to thinking that she's not my little sister anymore, and it really makes me sad.

I don't want to stop her from having sex, it's a human right, I just want to figure out how to accept that she's not a little kid anymore, but almost an adult. Is there any easy way to get through this?

Also, as a side question, she's changing herself for this boy. Even though it's winter, he tells her he likes her without long sleeves on, so she refuses to wear a coat even if it's icy out. She's also dropping weight, a lot of weight. She should be 120ish, but she's pushing 100. She likes it, she's proud of it, and she says he likes it too. She says she hates the feeling of food in her stomach. I've tried to tell my mom these aren't good things, but she shrugs it off. How can I tell my sister she shouldn't do these things for a boy without sounding like the naggy older sister?

Posts: 32 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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You know, it can be really difficult admitting someone is growing up. Especially since there seems to be this gap in time continuum where we see and realize we are growing up, but for some reason we never really realize others around us are growing up too. So there may be some bumps in the road of realizing and learning to see and treat her as an adult. Bot something I think can be helpful is spending time together, as adults. Things like having dinner just the two of you, can give you some time to talk one on one. As well? Going to see a movie, or playing mini-golf. Playing real golf if you both prefer. Giving yourselves time to talk as adults and really get the scoop one one another as changing/changed individuals.

Per the changes, how about talking about these changes being healthy from a personal standpoint, rather than for a boy. It's not healthy or safe or always bright going outside without proper weather-appropriate clothing on because if you happen to get a cold it can develop into pneumonia, which could mean hospitalization or even death. And talking about eating healthy, rather than not eating at all, as a health matter. Then she's more likely to listen and it sounds less naggy more concerned. After you can always talk about changing for the better and not for the partner.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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