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Author Topic: I have trust issues now since he might be moving away
Karla1234
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For the past year, I've been extremely troubled. There were times that I thought about this all the time and it has had an affect on my period.

I'm in Pre-IB. I don't know if you guys are familiar with this program but IB is a highly rigorous high school program. It's similar to AP but WAAAAAY harder. I don't go to my designated high school because I'm in IB---I go to a high school farther away. In my freshman year, I met a wonderful boy. He too is in Pre-IB right now. I'm really smart and all (4.0 gpa) but IB isn't for me. I want to go to my designated high school and take AP instead. I'm sure you can see what the problem was for a year: I would have to leave my boyfriend at my current school.

For a year I felt guilty, I felt bad for planning to leave him. I never told him that I wanted to leave (I told him that my parents were making me go) in fear of him thinking I didn't love him enough to stay. I do love him, I love him with all my heart, but I hate IB and I believe I'm better off at the other school.

Relief has arrived, but very little of it. He's moving to another county and if all goes well, he'll go to another IB school. This has made me feel better, since now I can legitamately leave. However, I got on his facebook and saw that he had already made friends with a girl at his school. She's really pretty and Filipino like him. She's smart as well. And to top it all off, she's in Pre-IB too. Which means that next year, in actual IB, they'll have nearly all their classes together. The thought of this scares me, infact it makes me jealous. I don't know what too do.

He recently tried to break up with me three times out of some minor issues but I talked him out of it. He's an extremely sensative guy, very demanding and impatient as well. He and I both know that no other girl could put up with him the way I do.

He's my first boyfriend and we already have a year together. I love him very much and I know he loves me too but I'm terrified that eventually we might break up because of the distance. I don't want him to fall in love with that girl or anybody else for that matter. He'll probably move in February, which to me is very soon. How do I feel better about all this, get rid of this guilt, pain, doubtfulness and worry?

[ 11-20-2011, 08:10 AM: Message edited by: Maddy11410 ]

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Redskies
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Hi, Maddy. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a tough time with this.

Do you think your boyfriend would have believed that you didn't love him if you'd told him that you wanted to change schools? Why was it important to you not to leave the school your boyfriend was at?

I'm happy to hear that it sounds like you're getting a better school situation sorted for yourself. It's important that we feel ok about our day-to-day lives, and really, sometimes not being happy in our day-to-day life can have an effect on any relationship we're in, so doing what we can to make ourselves happy tends to have positive effects all round.

You say that "no other girl could put up with him the way I do". What is it about him that people would find hard to put up with? Do other people have problems with him now, or is it something specific to how he behaves in a relationship?

You know, even if someone is intelligent, good-looking, and from a similar background to us, there's so much more that makes up whether we're attracted to them or not. There can be a lot of people who meet that description who just don't do it for us.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Karla1234
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Yeah, I know he would think I wouldn't love him. I only see him in school so if he finds out that I'm leaving by choice, he'll be really upset.

I really do trust him but us going to seperate schools will definitely worry me. He'll start working, driving, and going to a new school. I won't be there and we might not have a lot of time to talk. It hurts to realize it but I inevitably must see it. Plus his mom wants him to go a private university, while my parents just want me to get a scholarship to any school. I have big dreams in my education while he doesn't want to extend his education beyond regular college. I think about these differences everyday.

What I mean by that is that he's a very difficult person. I'm extremly patient with him even though he might not be patient with me. He's quite demanding and gets jealous pretty easily. Me talking to the opposite sex sometimes upsets him. He recentlry tried to break up with me just because I had casual conversations with guys on Twitter.I have to watch everything I do so that I don't hurt him in the simplest ways. I doubt any other girl could put up with all that. It's tiresome and a bother but since I love him, I'm fine with it. He says I sometimes irritate him, I'm complicated, and I'm nerdy. I don't mind because even though he doesn't realize it he's complicated (obviously from what I stated above) and nerdy as well.

I feel that I can't express myself well when it comes to things that trouble me. He somehow manages to turn things on me at times, brings up things I've done and such. The main difference we have is that I forgive and move on but he forgives but ALWAYS keeps it in mind. Because of this, I have to watch what I do.

I'm really scared things will end if he moves. This year he stopped showing much affection for me. The kisses and hugs decreased to a minimum per day. And the reason was because I had lost weight. He disliked it, said I looked different, not like the girl he fell in love with (thus lack of affection). It hurt me, since I thought it wouldn't matter and he would still show his love for me. But, of course, I compromised and started eating more to regain weight. Another reason for the lack of affection was that it was getting boring to him. He said we would do that same thing everyday and that "Too much of a good thing is bad". He doesn't understand that I want to feel loved by him.

I'm really attached to him. His friends dislike it and he says he feels caged. We tried taking a break but it was harmful for both of us. It was painful for me and I never want to try that again.

I don't know what to do. Shall I maintain hope? He's mad at me right now, by the way :/

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September
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Maddy, I hope I can be frank with you: reading your second post here, I am beginning to feel that it is actually a very good thing for you that he is going to move away. It sounds to me like this relationship is a very unhealthy one, and like your partner is manipulative and emotionally abusive.

There are a few things in this that ring my alarm bells.

He is intensely jealous and limits your contact to other people, especially guys - that's the first, big alarm sign. Isolating someone is often how abusers start out, as someone who has little outside contact besides their abuser is less likely to recognize the abuse for what it is.

He has also been putting you down and making negative remarks about you, which isn't very respectful or caring.

The one that worries me most is that he not only punished you for losing weight by depriving you of his affection, but that he actually drove you to regain the weight just to get his love back. You were right to expect that he would still love you: and good, caring partner would have continued to care for you and respect you even if your weight changed a bit.

So, for all of these reasons, I actually think that it would be best for you if you got out of this relationship and focused on yourself for a while. You were talking about making positive changes for yourself, such as changing schools and focusing on your plans for your future, and I think that's a much better place for your energy to go right now than this partner. He's not complicated, he is manipulative and emotionally abusive, and you deserve much better than that.

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Johanna
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Karla1234
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I tend not to look at it that way. I sometimes think it's because he cares a lot. In person he's very caring and he has his good qualities.

The only reason he restricts me is because he's scared I'll drift away once he moves. He admitted this to me a while ago. Also, once I got mad at him because I thought he was texting an ex (I thought he lied because he always says he never texts exes). It turned out to be just a friend the whole time and I was fine with it. But since then he decided to restrict himself into talking to almost no girls. When he saw me talking to other guys, he found it unfair that he restricted himself and I didn't. But he never told me this to begin with, yet he still got mad.

He hates twitter because I had my account public. He got mad at this especially. He said any creeper could follow me and "jack off" to my twitter picture. I find this absurd but nevertheless, I try to be understanding and I made my account private.

When he says I'm complicated or that I irritate him at times things I try to look at it as him being honest. It doesn't hurt being called a nerd since that's something I've been called all my life and I think of it as a good thing. We're both really smart so we tend to get into debates about certain things. If I know I'm right, I like to prove that I'm right. He says I always like to be right and I even go too far. Here's the catch: He's like me too. Although he doesn't realize it, he loves being right as well. He makes me say he's right when he is.

I sometimes doubt we'll stay together but part if me thinks the distance will be an obstacle we must overcome. I know he loves me, he shows it in various ways even though he does it rarely. He knows he's difficult and he appreciates how considerate I am. That's why he sometimes says he doesn't deserve me. I love him a lot, I just thought that the affection would come back especially since he might be leaving [Frown]

[ 11-22-2011, 04:35 AM: Message edited by: Maddy11410 ]

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Redskies
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Maddy, I'm also concerned about you in this relationship. Some of the things you describe your boyfriend doing are not things that a healthy person does in a relationship with someone they genuinely care about.

You said "In person he's very caring and he has his good qualities." I believe you; it's highly unlikely we'd get into a relationship with someone who didn't seem at all good. You know, though, that someone who is or seems good in some ways can still do things that are very not-ok? And the good things don't balance out the not-ok; the not-ok is still what it is, and it still matters.

Someone who is healthy will understand that us wanting or needing to make a change in our life, like changing school, is not about them or how we feel about them. They might be disappointed that they don't get to see us as much, but they will want us to be happy and to take care of ourselves, and they will be happy for us that we are making a positive change. They will understand that love is not demonstrated by us being near them all the time, or how often we see them, and they won't expect us to prove our love in that way.

"He somehow manages to turn things on me at times, brings up things I've done and such." Again, this is not a healthy person. A healthy person, when upset about something, works through it with us. It might take some time for them to be ok with us, but they don't keep bringing something back to us forever more. "I have to watch what I do." I really understand how that must be very hard for you. That doesn't sound like much fun. In a healthy relationship, with someone who likes us for who we are, the general things we do are all ok. We don't have to be careful about what we're doing. Even when we make mistakes, or don't do something quite the way we wanted, that'll be ok overall with our partner, because they like us and know that we're a human who makes mistakes, and they want to have a nice time with us, not make us feel bad about something that's already happened. We can relax and have fun, be free, be ourselves.

A healthy person who genuinely likes us won't be put off if and when our body shape changes. Even someone who has personal preferences won't expect us to change just to meet their preferences: they will recognise that we are our own person and can do as we please, or perhaps our body is doing its own thing at that time. There will be more important things about us than our body shape for it to matter enough to them that they would get us to change it.

A healthy person will listen to us when we say that there's a difference in the amount of affection that they and us want to show, and will try to work with us so that both people have what they need.

Yay for nerdiness being a positive thing! Good for you [Smile] A healthy person, though, will not repeatedly tell someone they genuinely like and want to spend time with that they find them irritating and complicated. Sure, this can happen occasionally, but in a healthy relationship, someone who genuinely likes us will tell us positive things far, far more often, and will not make us feel bad about ourselves.

A healthy person who is afraid of losing us, or drifting from us, will recognise that that is Their feeling. They will know that they cannot hold onto us come what may; that if people stay together, it's because they are happy together, and that's the right thing for the people concerned, and that staying together can't be created or forced by anything else. A healthy person will definitely not restrict us because of their own feelings. A healthy person who cares about us will want us to have the fullest life possible.

You say "it's tiresome and a bother". Usually, in a relationship that is positive for us, we don't feel that.

From what you say, clearly, this relationship is important to you. What's good about this relationship to you? What do you get out of it?

What is your boyfriend mad at you about at the moment?

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Karla1234
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When I met him I never thought he would be like this. He was the one who came looking for me, but now it seems like it's the other way around. He lacks the enthusiasm he use to have, although I might be the only one who realizes it. I miss the old him, the one who was so kind and sweet. We used to have insteresting conversations. Now, when we talk, I sometimes get the impression that he's uninterested. I'm starting to see that he really did change. Although it pains me to see it, I cannot ignore what's right infront of me.

He used to be so loving and understanding. He would woo me by playing piano, hugging me, and kissing me every chance he could get. What girl wouldn't love that? I guess I fell pretty hard for him. I never dreamed that my first boyfriend would do all that for me, so I was thrilled. He used to say sweet things to me but now, the only thing he calls me is a kid. Once I got all excited because he touched my face. I thought he was lovingly caressing it. Turns out, he was just feeling my face to see if my cheeks got fatter. This made me feel like crap :'( I got my hopes up so high and they came crashing down. I believed for a split second that he had started being loving with me, but unfortunately I was wrong. I had no option than to suck it up and hope it would get better.

There was a point were I actually disliked myself for losing weight. I blamed myself for his change. Losing 20 lbs came with a cost apparently. And I didn't lose weight because I felt like it either. All I did was follow the doc's orders and stopped eating school food because of my high cholesterol. Now, to make up for it, I bring my own lunch to school and try my best to bring back at least some weight. Like you guys said, he punished me for losing weight, yet he told me to not change if i wanted to, to stay the same since it was my body. What option did I have? I chose to regain and hope things would improve

He kinda does show a bit of affection. When he does, it almost feels forced. Today, for instance, I wanted to kiss him in the stairs. We haven't done that in a while. He called me a perv and I got upset. He got mad and said I take things too seriously. Eventually we did go to the stairs but the kisses were brief and he wanted to leave. Other times, it seems like he gives me affection but it really isn't. He just wants to make out or touch me. He started touching me again because I got some of my butt back :/

He got mad at me yesterday because I had looked at his messages with some girls prior to us going out. I brought the subject up and he got angry. I know it was wrong but I couldn't help it. He didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Then today, we had an assembly in school. We walked but he didn't say a word and didnt hold my hand. He just talked to his friend and walked away, leaving me alone. We ended up sitting together in the auditorium when we got there though. He didn't speakto me at all. I hated that he was punishing me this way and I started to cry. Exactly one year ago we had been in the same assembly, a few weekd after he asked me out. All was fine then. I started to reflect on this and it only made me cry even more. He saw me crying and reached over and grabbed my hand. That was pretty much the only thing he did. It made me wonder if he truly did care. I couldn't help but expect him to hug me and hold me tight, tell me he was sorry, tell me everything was fine. But he did none. From this I learned again to not get my hopes up. I felt disappointed.

I do a lot for him. It doesn't seem fair that I get treated this way but I can't help it, since I love him so much. We were talking and he said that it was gonna be hard being away from me. He said it was going to be difficult not being wifh me physically. He said that he used to not believe in long distance relationships but now he was willing to try. I told him I was all up for it and that the distance was nothing but an obstacle for our love. Now I just want to wait and see if I was right

[ 11-22-2011, 04:11 PM: Message edited by: Maddy11410 ]

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Heather
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Maddy: I don't want to overstep on the conversation you're already having with Redskies and Joey, since it looks like the three of you are connecting very well, and I'd hate to intrude on that.

But I do want to share a couple links that I think you'd benefit from looking at while you continue this conversation, okay?

They are:
Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship
Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Redskies
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Maddy, I would second the suggestion that you might like to read the links Heather gave. If you have any thoughts about those, or anything you'd like to discuss from reading them, please feel very free to bring it up here.

I hear very clearly how hurt and confused you're feeling. That's very, very understandable. Someone who you describe as previously very affectionate and attentive towards you is now treating you badly - who wouldn't be confused by that? Of course you didn't think he would be like this. We tend not to get into relationships with people who seem like they're not good to us. People who start to behave as your boyfriend is doing nearly always behaved very well, very affectionately, very attentively, in the beginning. We wouldn't get together with them if they didn't!

It was wrong of your boyfriend to call you a "perv" when you wanted to be affectionate and he didn't. A healthy person should simply say that they don't want to do what we want to do - there's never any reason to call us names or make us feel bad for wanting something different to what they want.

It sounds like your boyfriend gets mad at you quite often. It sounds, too, like part of you at least is already feeling like him getting mad at you for these things isn't quite fair, and doesn't quite make sense, although you're trying to make sense of it. "It doesn't seem fair that I get treated this way"; you're right. It's not fair, and it also isn't ok that he's behaving this way.

Of course you thought that he was being affectionate with you when he started to touch your face. It's perfectly reasonable for us to think that our partner might be being affectionate with us, and for us to want them to be, particularly when they were in the past.

You said "he punished me for losing weight, yet he told me to not change if i wanted to". People who behave like your boyfriend is doing tend to be very good at Saying the right thing to us, while giving us a very clear message in other ways that is very different to what they're saying and which is a very negative, unpleasant, hurtful message. This huge difference in what they seem to be saying and what they're actually communicating to us tends to contribute a lot to the confusion and hurt we experience, and tends to make it harder for us to identify that what's going on isn't ok and that they're not treating us well.

You said "Other times, it seems like he gives me affection but it really isn't." I think that your take on the situation here is very, very likely correct.

I want to say to you that you deserve to be treated with respect and affection in any relationship that you're in.

You've said a number of times how much you love him. What is it that you love about him? What's good about this relationship for you? What do you get out of this relationship?

Also, if I don't seem to pick up on something you mention, but you feel you'd like to discuss that specific thing further, or would like some feedback on it, please feel free to say so. I wouldn't want to miss something that's important to you.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Karla1234
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Yeahh. I read Heather's articles and I've fully identified that the seesaw of our relationship isn't right, isn't even. It makes me realize that it isn't healthy at all, yet I can't see myself with anybody other than him. Part of me believes that he's like this because we're young. He said I was immature at times, which I doubt it since I'm putting up with his attitude instead of cursing him out. He's 16 and I'm 15 but from the compromises I've done in our relationship, it seems to me like I have an older mindset.

I love lots of things about him. He's a funny person, he makes me laugh all the time. He's smart, which is something I love because I'm smart too. He's an artist like myself, although he specializes in music. I feel like I belong with him, despite the way he treats me. I get great feelings when I'm with him. When he's not mad at me, I feel fantastic, like the happiest girl on Earth. I feel lucky to have him because although he may act certain ways, he still has several good qualities.

Right now he's mad at me. I find it extremely ridiculous. He looked through my Tumblr. He saw a post I reblogged and it was just about a 90's song that nearly every kid grew up with. Along with the song, several GIFS were there, including a man dancing with no shirt on. He got extremely angry. Said it was disturbing. I don't see how. He said I stressed him out. Started cursing. Said he was tempted to curse me out. I couldn't believe he was saying all this to me. Last thing he said was "We done talking. Your tumblr some shit". I just said "Okay. It's my tumblr anyways".

It's like he's trying to find bad things in what I do. I told him this and he said they're easy to find

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. This isn't the sweet boy who I fell in love with

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Karla1234
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From reanalyzing what he said about me losing weight and showing me what he truly feels about it, I see that he contradicted himself. His manipulative ways are just starting to sink in. I feel like I should stand up for myself but I don't know how [Frown]
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Redskies
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Is he your first relationship, or your first serious relationship?

I honestly don't believe that your ages have anything to do with how he's behaving. He's behaving in ways that are actually quite sophisticated (as in, complex and well-put-together, not as in mature), not in ways that happen as an accident of youth or inexperience. Plenty of older people behave in the way he's behaving.

I'd like to suggest to you that he's deliberately finding ways to be mad at you, and that he is, indeed, as you feel, "trying to find bad things in what I do". That's not necessarily something he's consciously aware of, although he may be, but still deliberate.

I agree that he sounds very manipulative. I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I think you're doing really well to be realising things about this situation as fast as you are. I think it's great that you feel like you want to stand up for yourself, too. I think you're already taking some steps with talking about it here and being open to what I and others are suggesting about this relationship. I think it's ok, too, that you don't have all the answers right away. This is quite big stuff, and a lot to take in in the short time this conversation's been going so far. I think that the more information you have about what might be really going on with this guy, for example by talking about it with us here, the more you'll be able to figure out what you want to do.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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September
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Maddy, I am sorry I disappeared from our conversation yesterday. I was in bed most of the day with a migraine, and did not make it back on Scarleteen.

It sounds like you've been having a great conversation with Redskies, though!

As much as I know it hurts to see someone you love from such a different angle, I am really glad to see that you are starting to become aware of some of the ways in which your boyfriend has been manipulating you.

As Redskies has said, it is no wonder that he was different at the start of the relationship: none of us would ever date an abuser if they showed their true colors from the start. Who wants to be with someone who calls them names, puts them down, forces them to change their body to please them and gets irrationally angry? Instead, abusers tend to start out super charming and sweet.

So, yes, he is changing now: he is showing more of himself. You haven't done anything to bring this on yourself, and you are right - it's not fair. You don't deserve this kind of behavior.

This is some big stuff, and a lot to take in. So why don't you just let us know what you need mot right now? And we'll be happy to help and support you in whichever way you need us to.

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Johanna
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Karla1234
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Redskies, this is my first relationship and it's also my first serious one. I've never been in a relationship before so it's pretty hard for me to understand why somethings hurt him.

I never thought a guy would actually like me, to be honest. I'm not ugly, but I am very nerdy. I annoy people with my vocabulary at times. He's aware of how I am, that's why he calls me a nerd. This morning he said that sometimes I make him feel stupid. This was exactly why I feared being in a relationship; I thought nobody could tolerate me and my consistant need to get an A in every single class I have. Once I met him and saw that he was smart as well, I was soooo happy. I believed that he was perfect for me. But now, from what he said this morning, I should relax a bit when using SAT words. Yesterday, for instance, he got mad because I pointed out that he used a rhetorical device...lol


September, I hope you're feeling well. I occasionally get migraines too, they're such a bother.

I talked to him today. I told him how I felt about everything, especially about him punishing me in those hurtful ways. He apologized and said that when he's mad, he doesn't take to time to think before he speaks. I've realized that when he gets mad, he always stops talking to me. When I told him this, he said that he just needs time to cool off and think straight again. It makes sense because when he starts talking to me again, he seems more reasonable. We all need our breaks here and there, right? He helped reassure me that it wasn't that he was punishing me, it was that he needed time to calm down to make sure he doesn't say things he doesn't mean.

I remember once he said "It's good you aren't here to see me right now, you would be scared shitless". Now, this isn't how he normally speaks. He usually doesn't curse, only when he's really upset. It's troubling me now. I'm starting to think he has temper issues.

His temper issues all started when he was younger. He had been sexually abused, but not to the extent of being raped. The person who did this was a man, and that's why he can't stand homosexuals. He had a hard time admitting this to me, since each time we tried talking about it he would get into an angry fit. The worse thing about all this is that the man who did this to him is friends with his parents and lives in his very own neighborhood. Because of this, he sees the man every so often. Whenever he encounters him, he fills with rage but never tells me. Perhaps he takes his anger out on me?

As you can see, I try my best to see things from his perspective. I want to be very understanding before I come to a decision when it comes to continuing our relationship or not

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Heather
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You know, one good tipoff to a relationship that is unhealthy is when basic care and kindness from a partner feels SO AMAZING, but then half the time, they're not kind at all. That kindness tends to feel so overwhelming when it happens because we're treated poorly at other times, not because of love.

By all means, it feels good when people we care about are kind to us, but with basic kindness, it shouldn't feel THAT good. Know what I mean? Of course, too, if your self-esteen is low, which it sounds like it is, not only can that make it way more likely to land in unhealthy relationships, that can be another reason why basic kindness feels so awesome, when it really should just be a basic given.

For sure, sometimes when we're upset we need space before we talk with the person we're upset with. But the healthy, kind way to do that is to SAY we just need space, every single time we do, reassure the other person, then come back and have the conversation we felt too hot-headed to have. The dynamics around this you've been describing sound very different from that.

It sounds like this person needs some help before he will be able to have a healthy relationship. That certainly may have something to do with his history of abuse, but it may not just be about that. And if he is taking anger out on you that's about his abuser, that's not okay. Him having been abused doesn't make that okay, nor does his having been abused mean he can't avoid doing that and express his anger in healthy ways.

My best advice would be to step away from this relationship until or unless he gets that help, and has really spent some time -- months or years -- getting it to change his behavior. If he needs to know where to get it, we can help with that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Karla1234
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I certainly know what you mean by that. Kindness is most definitely a given while in a relationship. The lack of affection definitely feels like a void to me, probably because I was so used to it for almost a year in the beginning. I admit my self esteem was pretty low but it has gotten better. Although I love him, I won't let him treat me this way. I've gained self respect that I didn't have before.

I will have a talk with him again. Tell him to advise me whenever he needs time to cool off whenever he leaves. I dislike it when he stops talking to be abruptly; it leaves me wondering what I did wrong. It certainly doesn't feel good because it worries and stresses me. He'll comply, I'm sure and I hope that it's the first step in making him improve his attitude. I'll talk to him nicely, without any pressure.

I shall also inform him about my speculations. I'll ask him if something else troubles him at times, since it's not reasonable for him to get soooo mad at me for miniscule things. That's unnatural and irrational.

If all goes well, I'll be able to see what bothers him so much and we'll reach a compromise. I've been thinking that I should just go with a flow, see how things go in these last months we probably have left together. If things don't improve before or after he leaves, it will be best to end things. I see him in every class I have, so ending it now will probably hurt a lot more than ending it and not seeing him in school.

Thank you very much for your help. You all have helped me think through everything a lot. I appreciate it a lot, I really do [Smile]

[ 11-23-2011, 01:18 PM: Message edited by: Maddy11410 ]

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Heather
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By the by, Maddy, when you brought up your maturity, I have to say that you were younger than I thought you were. That's not intended to be some sort of a back-pat, nor to patronize, just to say that someone suggesting you are without maturity because of your age would strike me as a very strange suggestion if the way you're thinking and talking here is the way you tend to.

I'm glad to hear about your plans to better stand up for yourself here. Just do try and bear in mind that if he keeps acting the way he has been, that's on him, not you, and do keep your emotionally safety in mind. If you find little to nothing changes even in the next week or two, and you keep feeling this bad, I think it's probably more sound to leave this relationship sooner rather than later. I don't think staying in something that hurts is going to make you feel better than choosing to leave it so you can get away from being so close to that hurt on a daily basis, and being more open and vulnerable to it, as you will be when you are in an intimate relationship with someone. far more so than just seeing them in class, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Karla1234
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Hey everyone! I just wanted to update you guys on how everything is going.

Everything has improved GREATLY. He's starting to act like his old self. He doesn't say or do anything mean anymore and he started calling me by the nickname again. He's showing affection and now I can tell that's it's genuine. My parents accept him, especially my mom. I'm starting to think that my mom can actually help us see each other. Things are much more brighter than they used to be and I'm elated. Although, I sometimes get sad because he's leaving next month. Time is going by TOO fast. I know this upcoming year is going to be hard but I know we'll get through it. Thanks for your help! [Smile]

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Karla1234
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Hey can someone delete this thread for me? The man that stalks my boyfriend knows that I use this username often. I'm afraid he might find this thread if he googles my username. I tried changing my old username but it still pops up on google search. Can one of you guys delete it please?
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