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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Beginning of Relationship

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Author Topic: Beginning of Relationship
Roxie102
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Member # 72015

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When we were still talking, I wasn't the nicest person to my now boyfriend. I acted really bitchy and cold, got aggravated when he tried to help me with things, gave him mixed signals, and even essentially told him he was ugly once. That was nine months ago, and I've come a long way since then. And honestly I know the reason for those actions - I really just didn't want a boyfriend at the time and was trying to shut this guy out of my life (obviously it didn't work, and for the best I think. [Big Grin] )

I asked him why he dated me even though I was acting like that and he just said, "I like a challange". Anyway, though he's forgiven me over and over for my past actions and obviously liked me enough to ignore all of it, no matter what I do, I can't forgive myself. Knowing how much I love and care for him now, I can't fathom ever acting that way toward him...but I know I did. Basically, I feel like **** about this, and I'd like some advice on how to get over it. I know I've made up for it since, but still.

Also, I find myself being a little bit obsessed with his ex girlfriends, none of which were very serious at all. I'll ask him about them, occasionally look at their profiles on Facebook, and talk to mutual friends about them. I'm not insecure about them because I know he's over them, and I'm fine with it since I know they're just a part of his past, so why would I be doing this?

[ 09-22-2011, 10:25 AM: Message edited by: Roxie102 ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Just to get started and make sure, you DO want a boyfriend now, and you want it to be this particular person? You also feel ready for that kind of relationship?

Mind, forgiving yourself is probably something of a separate issue: what do YOU think you'd need to forgive yourself and move forward? With anything in the past where you have acted in a way you didn't feel good about or knew wasn't okay, how did you move forward?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Roxie102
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Yes, I'm perfectly happy with my relationship now and I can't even really see myself with anyone else, and my feelings for him are huge. That's why I hate myself so much for acting the way I did.

I guess I've just forgotten about my mistakes in the past. This one just seems to hurt more.

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Heather
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Might putting this shoe on another foot help?

In other words, let's say someone was hurtful to you in the past who then became very close to you. What do you think they'd need to do in order to resolve that with you and with themselves?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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