So last night, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I queefed! Its happened to me before, but not so noticeably that my partner has commented on it. But last night, my boyfriend noticed and thought it was gas (I'm not sure if thats even more embarrassing). We would have been able to laugh it off and keep going, but it happened 2 more times, basically whenever I tried to move or change position. It totally killed the mood, and I didn't know how to explain to my boyfriend what it really was so I let him just think it was gas. I'm so embarrassed that I'm avoiding sex because I'm worried it will happen again. Any suggestions of how I can explain it to him without making things even more awkward?
Also, I'd appreciate any more advice on how to avoid queefing. I know you can't really control it, but maybe advice on which positions are best for preventing it?
Posts: 28 | From: US | Registered: Sep 2009
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I sorry you're feeling embarrassed about this, 12redtulips! My whole response is going to be about why you really shouldn't feel so awkward about it, but, as a fellow female-bodied person who has experienced queefing at awkward times, I really do sympathize.
As for your question about how to avoid it- one thing I've read that I've found works for me is that positions where your legs are closer together tend to help prevent it. (This might vary pretty widely from person to person, though.) However, the best way to avoid it, from what I can tell, isn't about what you do at all, it's about how your boyfriend moves during intercourse. (I'm assuming, btw, that when you say you were having sex you meant vaginal intercourse, because that's pretty much the most common cause of queefing, but if I'm making too much of an assumption, let me know.)
Queefing, as you know, is caused by pockets of air forming in the vagina- and the way the air gets there isn't really the result of your body position nearly as much as it's the result of (again, sorry, I'm assuming you were having vaginal intercourse and that your boyfriend is male-bodied, so stop me if I'm wrong) your partner's penis moving in and out of your vagina, and therefore pushing more air into it. More shallow thrusting (rather than pulling the penis almost entirely out of the vagina with each thrust) tends to create less air build-up, and therefore less queefing.
What this means, of course, is that you really, really ought to explain queefing to your boyfriend. First of all, it lets you explain to him what he can do to cause less queefing. Second, it lets you explain to him that it's really perfectly normal and is just one of the many funny noises our bodies make during sex, and isn't anything to be worried about, or anything that should be a mood-killer. And third, it means that hopefully he won't be weirded out by it when it happens again--which it will. It's just part of how our bodies work. (Seriously, any male-bodied person who's planning on having sex with female-bodied people should know what queefing is, because, really, they're going to have to get over it. Consider telling him doing an important service for the world at large. )
I hope it's not awkward for you to communicate with your boyfriend about sex- in an ideal situation, this sort of conversion really wouldn't be a big deal. If you feel like this is something that's really difficult to talk with him about, let me know, and I can point you to some of the articles on this site that talk about how to establish healthy sexual communication with a partner, okay?
Posts: 100 | From: Virginia, USA | Registered: May 2011
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