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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Feeling sad when I should be feeling good

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Author Topic: Feeling sad when I should be feeling good
BustaEve
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Member # 50827

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Hi all,

Massive thanks to Heather and all the Scarlet Teen volunteers and employees, the site is fantastic.

So, I am seeing a guy, we're more than 'friends with benefits' but not quite boyfriend/girlfriend.

Anyway, sometimes when we are doing really simple things or when he does something nice, for example last night we were just lying on the bed (still clothed) and he said "I really like lying in bed close to you" or something to that effect, and I started to feel sad.

Although, I'm not even 100% sure that sad is the emotion I am feeling. It's hard to explain but it's like I feel overwhelmed but at the same time really secure and safe, and I think it's almost as if I feel I don't deserve to feel this way or perhaps I haven't really felt this way before and it's all new to me and I don't know how to respond.

I think it is confusing for the guy, as I'll get really quiet and I almost don't want him to be close to me anymore but at the same time that's all I want. Plus, I don't think it's fair on him because I am enjoying want we are doing but for some inexplicable reason I also almost feel like crying.

It's quite confusing (as you can see), and I am just wondering if anyone had any thoughts and has anyone else experienced something similar.

Kind regards,
BustaEve

Posts: 77 | From: Australia | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You're so welcome! [Smile]

Can you fill me in a little bit more on the kinds of things that seem to trigger these feelings and any ideas about what you think these feelings are about?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BustaEve
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Hi Heather,

As I stated it's hard to explain, as I find it really confusing myself, but I'll try.

It's not like this happens all the time just every now and then, and obviously it's not a major issue, just something I find a bit perplexing.

Looking at the situations, it seems triggers are when he is being really caring and sweet. It's usually something quite simple, such as the example I listed when we were just in bed together and he was holding me.

Other previous triggers included when he said things such as "you're beautiful", which I initially found quite difficult to deal with. That is I would feel angry (at him, for 'lying'), sad, special, happy all at the same time.

Another trigger, (and without wanting to be to explicit) is when he touches my breasts/stimulates my nipples - it can be really overwhelming (but in a good way), but again, almost tear-inducing, not from pain, but just I sometimes get quite emotional, even though it does feel good.

'What do I think these feelings are about?'
Possibly, because this situation is quite new to me and it's really nice to think that someone cares. Maybe, that's what I find overwhelming, the thought that someone does care about me and is willing to/wants to do activities/gestures which is more comforting/reassuring rather than being about his sexual pleasure/gratification.

It's hard to imagine that someone would like me as a person, as opposed to just liking the fact that I'll engage in sexual activities with them.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Would you say that this is the first time you've really been this emotionally open with someone, especially where sexual intimacy is part of the picture? And/or the first time someone has expressed emotional value and attachment to you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BustaEve
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Yes and yes to your questions.

Although I'm older, 24 years of age, I haven't been in a proper relationship before.

So, the concept of sexual and emotional intimacy is new to me.

And although I've had close friendships, this would be probably the first time a guy has expressed emotional value of me (to use your terms).

So, thinking about the situation it's probably quite understandable that I'm feeling a mixture of emotions, and at times finding it hard to process.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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By all means, having these experiences for the first time - or heck, period -- can be really overwhelming. They don't call it intimacy for nothing! [Smile]

It sounds like that might be most of what's going on here, is just experiencing those intense feelings. Is there anything you feel like you might need to be doing to help you process them? For instance, do you journal, by any chance? Just writing them out might help a lot.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BustaEve
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Member # 50827

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Hi Heather,

Thanks for your responses.
I think journalling would help and even just our dialogue here has helped me realised a few things.

I guess, in general, I find it difficult to process intense feelings and emotions, and so it's not surprising I found the aforementioned situations difficult.

But I definately feel better about it now - this insight has helped [Smile]

Posts: 77 | From: Australia | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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