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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Stuck

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Author Topic: Stuck
ShortAndSweet
Activist
Member # 34672

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Just recently broke up with my gf if 3 years bc I have been struggling with dating her for fear of family rejection, even though my mother verbally abuses me daily about it. I feel self fish but I had to do it it's not fair to my ex gf to hide something like this anymore. Since the break up I have been sleeping with a co worker of mine. Just sex. I notice I am happier being with males, but I do love my gf to death. Then again when I am with guys my family will b around and that makes me feel good too even with my mothers verbal abuse. I feel selfish and crazy and right now idk what to do. I have no one to talk to bc all my friends sided with my ex gf, and clearly the guy I'm sleeping with won't talk about it bc we have no strings attached. Help. Opinions appreciated.
Posts: 97 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm feeling like I don't totally get the whole picture of what's going on here or what you're asking.

Are you saying you had been dating a woman even though you feel more inclined to date men because you don't want your family to know you do/want to date men? If so, is this something you've been honest with this woman about?

Just FYI, just because you and this guy aren't in a serious relationship doesn't automatically mean you can't talk with him about this. "No strings" doesn't have to mean we only have sexual interactions with people and can't do things like talk like friends or people being intimate do. Has he said he doesn't want any talking or friendship at all?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ShortAndSweet
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Member # 34672

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Sorry, let me start over. I was dating a girl for 3 years but I recently broke up with her bc I am confused on who to be with a boy or girl. I have been yelled at and then some by my mom for years and the pressure has gotten to me, but I do have to honestly say since being broken up I feel betterthat my family can be back. I randomly decided that in order to find out if I could be with a guy I started sleeping with one. As happy I am to have a family again I have to friends anymore bc they all took my gfs side. Am I a bad person? I feel like it.
Posts: 97 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, and also sorry to hear that you have a parent who has been yelling you and friends who have been ditching you. It sounds like a really awful spot to be in.

That said, ultimately, if you're asking me, what makes it right for someone to break up with someone is simply if they want to do that and no longer want to be in that relationship. That's it, that's all. After all, one assumes we all only want to be in relationships with people who want to be in them with us and feel right about being in them, right?

So, I don't see your reason for a breakup as being any less sound than any other. And if you feel like you do have to choose between dating men and dating women -- you don't, but sounds like right now, you are feeling that way -- then by all means, having that sorted out matters, both for you and for anyone you'll get seriously involved with.

With your friends, what do you think they're not understanding? I'd ask why they are taking sides, save that all too often, especially when people are younger and their levels of emotional and social maturity are lower than they usually will be later on in life, taking sides in a breakup happens all too often. [Frown]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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