Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » It feels like my sister is ruining my life

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: It feels like my sister is ruining my life
Aimalicious
Activist
Member # 34100

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aimalicious     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I consider myself more responsible than my sister. My parents even agree that I am. And i feel like she's just gonna mess up all my life plans. I've had a stable relationship for almost 5 straight years. She's had one for like 6 years, but they break up and get back together a lot. And her boyfriend sells drugs, does drugs, and gambles all the time.

She told me she's starting to plan a wedding.

She even likes the same baby name as I do, and I've had mine picked out since high school. I find out 4 years later she likes the same name, and she refuses to change her mind. I knew it was gonna happen cause the name I picked has the same initials as her favorite band. Which is why i think she chose it.

She's thinking about having her wedding at the same place I've looked at. I'm not engaged (yet) but it's been on my mind lately.

I hate being younger!!

I just feel like my life plans are falling apart because she wants everything I want. And she's probably going to get her way because she's older.
I dont want to rush into things just to "beat" her like it's some kind of competition.
That's just a stupid idea.
But we're not that close so I feel like I can't really talk to her about it.

I dont care if she gets married before me. I just want the name that I picked out when I was 17. and most likely, if she gets married, she's going to have kids before me.

Im really upset and I dont know what to do.

Posts: 144 | From: MA | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BrightStar171
Peer Ambassador
Member # 64549

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BrightStar171     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The first thing to do may just be to take a step back and remember that a lot of these problems you're worried about may not even come up!

For instance, it sounds like you've got a specific baby name picked out for one gender baby but not the other--so, say, if it's a girl's name you've got picked out, even if she has a baby before you do (which, of course, there's no way to guarantee) she might have a boy first--or, in fact, never have a daughter at all.

Or she might not want to have kids right away. Or she might not be able to have kids with her boyfriend. (Or, for that matter, you might not be able to have kids.) Or, since you've said her relationship with her boyfriend is pretty fraught, they might break up for good. Or he might go to jail for selling drugs and not be around to get married/have kids. You get the picture. [Smile]

And, for what it's worth, my brother and my cousin have the same first name - different middle names, though - and it was really never a big deal at all in our family.

Same with the wedding venue problem--I know lots of siblings who have decided to get married at the same location. My parents got married at the same place my mom's two sisters got married; my cousin got married in the same place his older sister got married. I think it's really pretty common to do that, especially if it's a location that has some meaning for you (e.g. childhood memories, or at or near a church your whole family attended, or whatever). Maybe it's just because of those experiences I've had, but I don't totally understand why it seems to matter so much to you that you don't get married in the same place as your sister--so much so that her picking the venue you wanted would be ruining your life plans.

Just, given that all these things you're worried about are pretty far off and might not even ever come to pass, it seems like there might be something else going on about your relationship with your sister that might be making you feel so frustrated about this--especially since some of the language you're using is pretty extreme. (For instance, I doubt that having your wedding in a certain place and having a baby named one specific thing are really the extent of your life plans.) Can you think at all about why these things are making you feel so upset, and maybe if it's really something bigger than just the baby name that's bothering you?

(Oh, and even if you're not that close, if the baby name thing really is that important to you, you should still bring it up with her, even if just casually. For all you know, she may have changed her mind since the last time you talked about it, or she might be open to changing her mind if she realizes it's that important to you.)

Posts: 100 | From: Virginia, USA | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aimalicious
Activist
Member # 34100

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aimalicious     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks for your response. The reason I feel upset about the baby name is because since she's older, she always got to do everything first. Go to school, get a boyfriend, license, move out etc...

And this is just the ONE thing I want to do first. I don't know why the name is so important to me. I guess its because it's the only name I really like and I don't know anyone else by that name.


now i feel like im sounding crazy.

But its how i feel.

Posts: 144 | From: MA | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aimalicious
Activist
Member # 34100

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aimalicious     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks for your response. The reason I feel upset about the baby name is because since she's older, she always got to do everything first. Go to school, get a boyfriend, license, move out etc...

And this is just the ONE thing I want to do first. I don't know why the name is so important to me. I guess its because it's the only name I really like and I don't know anyone else by that name.


now i feel like im sounding crazy.

But its how i feel.

Posts: 144 | From: MA | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BrightStar171
Peer Ambassador
Member # 64549

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BrightStar171     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't think it sounds crazy at all- I think it sounds like a perfectly normal case of sibling rivalry!

But I do maybe think it says something that you're fixated on something so speculative, you know? It's something that could never even come to pass, or might not come to pass for many years, so why worry too much about it now?

It seems to me like this is definitely something you should talk to your sister about, though. It sounds like there's a lot about your relationship that you need to work through, and maybe it would help. I don't know how long it's been since the last time you brought up baby names with her, but especially if it's been a while, she really might have changed her mind, or become more open to discussion. Even though actually having babies is something off in the future, it might ease your mind to talk about it now- and it might open the door to some other discussions the two of you want to have!

Posts: 100 | From: Virginia, USA | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3