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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Trust issues , jealousy ?

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Author Topic: Trust issues , jealousy ?
iloveyoubaby7411
Neophyte
Member # 70661

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Me & my boyfriend have now been together for a month & four days . Well almost everything was goin pretty good until the one month mark and then all of a sudden he doesn't want me around other guys he will start yelling at me if he sees me talking to other guys . Is this relationship turning into an abbusive one or is it normal? I mean we use to be the couple everyone wished they were & now were usually found fighting w/each other over nothing. Ive tried just calmly talking to him and telling gin that hes the only one I want but he doesn't seem to get it. Its like he thinks hes gonna lose me or that he doesn't trust me. I don't know where I went wrong legit ive never cheated on him or lied to him about anything . . . I really want him & I to work but my friends keep reminding me that his dad was a mommy beater & that could be were our relationship is headed , what do I do? ?? Please help.

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& oo7'oo4 ; 2o11 (:

Posts: 13 | From: In Iowaa. | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SilverLining
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First off: Do you seem him as if he would be abusive to you? Has he ever raised his hand to you? Do you feel safe with him?

Jealousy might be a factor but I think it is no use arguing with him if he's yelling at you or already upset so I suggest you take him to a relaxes enviroment where both of you can be alone with him. Tell him how you feel about the situation and just ask him to be open with you and you'll be open with him as well. Ask him why he doesn't like you being with other guys, and even if he doesn't like you being around other guys, there's no reason to yell at you.

I suggest you talk to him about anything at all that's bothering you and in return ask him if anything is bothering him. I'm assuming that these are just guy friends you hang out with and you don't get flirty with them btw, but ask him what he doesn't like about you hanging out with them when they are just friends.

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SilverLining 2012

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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Controlling who a partner is allowed to interact with is definitely a sign that something is wrong. Good, caring partners won't try to tell us who we can and cannot hang around with (or how we can interact with those people) or yell at us for speaking with others. Abuse is not limited to physical contact (i.e. hitting, etc.). What you are describing definitely raises some red flags.

Also, to be clear, it does not sound like you've "gone wrong" here. This sounds like a problem your partner is having.

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Sarah Liz

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iloveyoubaby7411
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Honestly , I dont really know .
He has shoved me against the wall and got right in my face and yelled at me for something he thought I did . & everytome I say I wanna talk to him he pushes me away like he doesn't wanna open up . I dint get it how could all of a sudden we go downhill we were perfectly fine a month ago [Frown]

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& oo7'oo4 ; 2o11 (:

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SilverLining
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I'm sorry to say but what Kitten said is right. There is a reason to worry here. It sounds like he would go too far if he was mad enough and that's not a good risk to take. Also the fact that he's shutting you off and pushing you away by not opening up and talking to you is troubling. Don't feel upset or as if this is your fault though I'm sure many here would suggest rethinking your relationship. It's been a month, sure. But you want to be in a relationship you can be safe in and feel comfortable in. Not someone who's pushing you away and becoming aggressive towards you.

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SilverLining 2012

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iloveyoubaby7411
Neophyte
Member # 70661

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We spent most of the day together & he told me some things but I have a feeling that hes definately hiding something from me I just dont know what to do anymore ive tried talking to him proving I do care for him & ive even went as far as turning my phone off when im w/him. I dont wanna break up yet I hate the way we are. Its like im stuck in the middle ....

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& oo7'oo4 ; 2o11 (:

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Stuck in the middle of....?

You have an abusive partner. I know that really really sucks, especially when you have love for that person, but it doesn't change that fact.

That means you don't have a healthy relationship with that person and you are not going to. You can't prove anything or do anything to change this. The only thing anyone can do to change being in an abusive relationship if they are being abused is to leave it. otherwise, it will only stay the same or, more commonly, get worse and worse over time.

Again, I know that all really sucks. It really, really sucks. But it sucks a lot more to be in an unhealthy relationship than to be out of one, always.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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princessblue
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I am in similar relationship to you, my boyfriend gets very jealous, also very paranoid. When I do try to calmly talk to him, he gets more frustrated and wont listen. I understand you do not know what to do, and I don't either, but the difference is I thought about leaving him many times, but I didn't I've been with him a year now and it all got worse, were just like friend but in a relationship. So my advice is, do something while you have the chance..
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iloveyoubaby7411
Neophyte
Member # 70661

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Ive tried to leave him we've been together for 2 months & it's gotten somewhat better he'll try to listen to what im saying but it still doesn't feel right he wants more than I can give , I do have feelings for him that over power everything else I just dont think I can leave him [Frown] .

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& oo7'oo4 ; 2o11 (:

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Have you sought out any help with this from someone qualified TO help you, like a counselor or support group?

How about telling someone you trust all of how he has treated you and asking for their help?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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