Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I'm weird about his ex-girlfriend?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: I'm weird about his ex-girlfriend?
EauDbedroomDancing
Neophyte
Member # 70608

Icon 1 posted      Profile for EauDbedroomDancing     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, this is all sort of confusing, and it's a lot to read.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I started talking to him when he was with another girl. He wasn't cheating or anything...we were just friends. But then after about 2 weeks of knowing him, he was single. So about a month later we started dating. He dated the girl before me for 3 months, and he lost his virginity to her. (She wasn't a virgin though) He's a few months younger than her.

I was 15 and he was 18 when we started dating. He was my first kiss, first boyfriend, first everything. I was wayyyyy less experienced than his previous girlfriend. They had kind of a long distance relationship (only saw eachother weekends). And it didn't end well. He never really felt a connection with her, and just found he didn't enjoy spending time with her. So he broke up with her over the phone, and after that he avoided contact with her.

Last November they started talking over facebook. He didn't tell me they were talking for like a week, but he honestly had no idea I would care. So when I told him it made me uncomfortable that they were talking, he told her that I wasn't okay with it and that he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. And he hasn't messaged her since. She kept sending him messages, but he would just ignore them. Finally I asked him to delete her as a friend. And he did.

Recently, she started contacting one of his friends. The only way she knows this guy is because of my boyfriend. He lives 3 houses down from my boyfriend. She slept over at his friend's house, and even suggested that they visit my boyfriend. But he said he didn't want her to come over.

This girl was ALWAYS trying to talk to my boyfriend, and it made me really mad. So I went on his facebook and blocked her. Now I feel like the crazy obsessive girlfriend. I'm not usually like this, I don't know what's wrong with me! I just get so upset whenever I think about this girl, when my boyfriend could really care less about her and loves me. Just the thought of her makes me uncomfortable. Thinking about her having sex with my boyfriend in his bed (I don't know why that even crosses my mind, it was so long ago!)

I know for awhile I felt jealous because I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend...but it hurt me too much. So for almost a year we couldn't have sex. He never once got upset about it, but I felt like sex was the one thing his ex could give him that I couldn't. Sometimes I wish that he would only have mean things to say about his ex, but instead he's respectful towards her. I should be happy that he respects her, even though he has no interest but I would be SO happy if he said something mean about her. And that's horrible! And whenever he comments that I'm better than her in any sort of way, I take it as the ultimate compliment.

I'm constantly comparing myself to this girl and I feel so ridiculous! My boyfriend doesn't know I think about her this often, but he does know mentioning her makes me uncomfortable. How can I get over this? I feel like a crazy person! (And I'm sorry, this is like the longest question EVER.)

Posts: 34 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SilverLining
Activist
Member # 72701

Icon 1 posted      Profile for SilverLining     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi EauDbedroomdancing [Smile] ( Lol, typing that made me laugh a bit, mind if I asked why that?)

From what it sounds like, you have a perfectly understandable reason to be upset and it's completely normal to worry about those things I believe, and I'm glad your boyfriend is so understanding and respects you enough to do as you asked because you feel unconfrotable.

I myself with my girlfriend trusted her completely and gave her whatever passwords I did use just to show her that she could trust me, told her she could go on my Facebook anytime or check my emails or whatever she wanted and if she ever felt badly about anything, ex girlfriends or just other female friends for that matter.

I know it might seem a lot easier if he did break it off with her rudely or however, but I do think it shows him to be a good person if he didn't just go out and started being mean to her just because he didn't feel strongly for her anymore. Its a good sign I think that even if things split up between the both of them he was civil enough to still act right.

Now, for what bothers you when he does bring her up; just talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel when you bring her up in a conversation and you don't like it.

My own girlfriend once told me she didnt like talking about something in particular that I sometimes brought up, instantly when I knew it bothered her I wouldn't bring it up anymore because I knew how it made her feel. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand and do the same if you talk to him about it bothering you.

Hope this helped you [Smile]

--------------------
SilverLining 2012

Posts: 97 | From: Lost along in the Caribbean... | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
EauDbedroomDancing
Neophyte
Member # 70608

Icon 1 posted      Profile for EauDbedroomDancing     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Haha, I chose that name because it's the title of my favorite song :-)

I completely trust my boyfriend, so i'm really puzzled as to why I get so upset. But I just unblocked her, because I realize it's not my place to control things like that. Especially if my boyfriend's not even attempting to contact her.

I told my boyfriend it makes me uncomfortable awhile ago, so he usually doesn't mention her. I think I'm going to try explaining to him how I feel jealous. I'm really glad that he's so understanding about this. I don't have any ex-boyfriends for him to worry about haha.

Thank you so much [Big Grin] This really did help, and now I don't feel like I'm crazy for feeling this way.

--------------------
"My whole life looked like a picture of a sunny day..."

Posts: 34 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SilverLining
Activist
Member # 72701

Icon 1 posted      Profile for SilverLining     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thats nice [Smile]

Good! Sounds like both of you have a good relationship together. [Smile] It's completely normal though, your not crazy I assure you that your not crazy. And it's good that your bringing up things that bother you and that your open with him.

It's good you seem to realize the boundaries in the relationships. I hope he's as open with you.

I hope the best for the both of you. [Smile] Glad to hear about happy couples!

--------------------
SilverLining 2012

Posts: 97 | From: Lost along in the Caribbean... | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3