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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My ex hates me.

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Author Topic: My ex hates me.
Vallina
Neophyte
Member # 52204

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Okay me and my ex were dating for roughly... 6/7 months and broke it off around a month ago.
At first he told me he just wanted his space
I didn't take it very well, I just kept calling him and pushing him away more and more
We kept arguing, over silly things

On Saturday [It's Tuesday tonight] we kissed. In a loving way when we were alone, just hanging out in his bedroom, the whole day was brilliant and I finally thought we could get back together again.
However, that evening when I left we had another argument. The worst we have ever had. We were talking like normal the next morning though
Anyways, Last night, he was very very very mad at me, as I had been talking to his friends, and I messaged some mean things about him when I was angry.
I've said sorry, but he claims that I've ruined his life. I took back everything I said to his friends yet he still got mad at me.
I just don't know what to do. I really just want to be friends with again - at least have another chance.
He says that he "******* hates me" and that I never trusted him. Which isn't true. He says that he doesn't love me anymore and just wants me to pretend he doesn't exist.

Posts: 28 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alice
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 28346

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Hi Vallina.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time with this break-up. Relationships ending can be pretty tough.

It's only been a few days since you two broke up. Even in the best of break ups, we advise a break in contact for at least a moderate amount of time while both people come to terms with the relationship and all the feelings they may have around it.

Keeping in contact, having sex, bad-mouthing each other to friends... these are not things which are going to help you heal.

It sounds like your ex is now trying to place some boundaries between the two of you. I know this hurts but the respectful thing for you to do is to follow them. If he doesn't want to be contacted then don't contact him. Let yourself heal, let him heal and perhaps eventually you can talk about being friends again, if that's what both of you want.

Because even though as much as it hurts, if only one person wants to be friends then it's not going to work so well.

For now, make sure you're taking the time to take care of yourself and that you're doing nice things for yourself while you heal from this. Have fun with other friends, watch movies, bake a cake... do whatever makes you happy! And we are, of course, here to talk it over with you.

[ 08-02-2011, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: Alice ]

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Vallina
Neophyte
Member # 52204

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Thank you very much
I think though, that he was fine with that idea, that's what he wanted in the first place. I am just worried that I pushed it too far this time, like it's too late.
I've pretty much been trying to occupy myself with drawing, watching TV and hanging out with friends, swimming, etc.
Good things to do in summer I suppose.

I mean, in a perfect world, I would love to stay with him, sort this all out and everything would be back to normal, however, right now, I really would love us to settle as friends. He's still mad at me and I hate the idea of him hating me.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I understand how you feel has got to be really upsetting.

But I think the thing is that people do tend to get pretty upset when they ask for a boundary and someone else won't respect it.

Who knows where things will go in time, but I think that for the time being -- until HE initiates contact with you -- the only right move here is to keep the distance he asked for and just take care of yourself as best you can, grieving however you need to with the loss of this relationship, and then, in time, moving forward and onward.

It might also help to just acknowledge that yes, it sounds like you were awfully out of order here, but you know, people make mistakes. We live, we learn. If and when the time is ever right, you can take responsibility for that to him and try and make amends, but I think the amends you can make right now is to stay backed off.

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alice
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 28346

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Yeah, just in the future - keep in mind that it's a good idea in terms of healing from a break up to take a decent break in between the romantic relationship ending and the friendship beginning. Think of it as a cooling off period.

That's great you're enjoying the regular summer activities! That can help a lot, and lots of people feel happy when they're in the sun. [Smile]

I know it hurts a lot to think about the people you care about being mad at you or hating you. However, the best thing you can do for this relationship is to respect his wishes now and keep the option open for a future friendship, if the time comes.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Vallina
Neophyte
Member # 52204

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Yeahh, it's normally cold over here in the UK but it's been almost 30 this week so we're all pretty psyched.
I'm not expecting him to end up with me again, although I am a bit upset cause I do get hurt when I think about him moving on, but life goes on and I'll have to accept that eventually.
and yeah, I will do [Smile] thank you

Posts: 28 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alice
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 28346

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I feel you there. We're not having the nicest summer in the Pacific NW of the US, either. So exciting when it gets sunny and warm! [Smile]

It's not strange or abnormal at all to be really sad or angry (or a plethora of other emotions) after a break up. Give yourself time, keeping enjoying the summer and hang in there!

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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