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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Have you ever had a different view of sexuality than your partner? Need advice.

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Author Topic: Have you ever had a different view of sexuality than your partner? Need advice.
katiebird
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So, this is a general question to Scarleteen for other people to comment and a way for me to think about my own situation.

Has anyone ever had a situation where their partner, or potential partner, had a different opinion on "how far" you wanted to go? For example, maybe they wanted to wait until marriage for intercourse but you didn't? How did you, or did not, resolve it and how did it affect your relationship?

I have a friend that I feel I have a slight attraction to and we joke about dating now and then, but we have vastly different opinions on sexuality. I'm not a virgin, and am comfortable with having sex once I'm ready, but he is a religious man who does not want ANY type of sex (manual, oral, or intercourse) before marriage. I just don't know if I can deal with that, or am I being too closed-minded about our potential?

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Til
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My sweetheart and I have slightly different views on sexual attraction, but not quite as much as a gap as the one described. Would you like the both of you to agree on something? If you want a compromise (or anything, for that matter) I highly suggest talking to him. Perhaps he would like to add more details as to why he thinks this is wrong, and you can add your reasoning? I suppose if he is a religious man, his views can be respected. But still -- I highly suggest talking with him.
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Jill2000Plus
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If he doesn't want to have sex until marriage because of his religious beliefs, that's his choice (I'm an atheist and I think those beliefs are illogical, but it's his body and he owns it) however that doesn't mean that you have to date him if you don't think you're happy with waiting until marriage to have sex/are unsure you want to get married at all/etc. Plus, if your views on these things are that different, how are they with regard to other important stuff? Does he object to you using contraception or having an abortion for instance? If you did eventually have kids, would he be likely to force/coerce them into waiting for marriage even though that might not be what's right for them? Does he think masturbation is wrong as well? (Not that he necessarily does think/would do these things, I'm just pointing out that these are important discussions to have).

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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Djuna
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Well, everyone's views need to be respected, not just those of religious people. It's not too helpful to suggest extra respect for the views of a religious person, know what I mean?

Katiebird, I would think that if he's stated he wants no sex before marriage, while you would want sex in a relationship you might have with him, and are not sure that going without that is something you could deal with, then it sounds like the two of you are incompatible in that sense. I don't think it would be wise to pursue a relationship where you'd be expecting that you could feel rejected sexually, if that makes sense. Too, I'm not sure that a "slight" attraction is an awesome reason to start a relationship anyway. [Smile]

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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