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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » how to let him down gently

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Author Topic: how to let him down gently
Member # 72567

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My boyfriend and i have been together for three years now and are very happy and plane to get married when the time is right.WE're both very social people, and very unjealous people, so one person going to hang out with the opposite sex is no big deal for us.

That said, my man is gone for two weeks opening a couple of new stores for his company. (big oppertunity to suck up to the district manager), and I'm at home working, of course. So when a male coworker (whom i would have considered a good friend) called me up and asked if I wanted to have a beer, I was excited to go. I got there, and it was just him and me, so we hung out, played some trivia. He wanted to go outside to smoke, which we did, and as soon as we were outside, he puts his arm around me and leans in for a kiss. Obviously that was a no go! I told him "no, we can't do that" and leaned back, I ddin't want to hurt his feelings, but I needed to make it clear that It wasn't going to happen. He says he was really sorry, and feet bad and didn't want to "break anything up" and suggested that we go inside to play some trivia. I said ok (should have left then!) Anyway, we play some fun, platonic, trivia, I'm thinking everything's ok, until we go outside for another smoke, and he tries the same thing. Again, I give him a gentle no (he's a good friend, remember?), we go back in and play some more trivia (all the while I'm desperately texting people trying to get some of our other friends to come out and "accidentally" bump into us. So when he suggests we go outside for a third time, I tell him we both ahve to work tomorrow, and that I need to go to bed. He suggests we go to his house and play some xbox. I say, no, need some sleep, he says "ok, I just kind of got the feeling from work that you felt the same way about me." I just said I'm sorry, and left.

So I still have to work with this guy, and he really is a sweet, funny, nice guy, I don't want to hurt him. It's not like he's some sort of sneaky creeper that I want to never see again. He's totally the kind of person that I would consider "my type" but I'm completely devoted to my boyfriend.

Sooooooo, my question (after the world's longest post) is this:

How can I continue to be nice and polite to him at work, but still make it COMPLETELY clear that I'm not about to leave my bf for him. (or cheat either!) All without hurting his feelings!

Any advice welcome!!!

Posts: 8 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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You know, redfoxlaine, I think you WERE completely clear that you were not interested, and you were polite as well. Maybe talk to him when there is no alcohol involved and explain you are in a serious relationship and you are not going to pursue anything else at this time, and you're sorry if he got the wrong impression. You can tell him as well that you want to remain friends with him, but you understand if that's too awkward for him. If he still seems to push things you might have to be a little less polite with him.

[ 07-22-2011, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: KatWA ]

Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

Posts: 876 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 72567

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Actually, the next day at work, he sent me a private IM (we have an inter office chat client) and apologized, said that he was out of line and hoped we could still be friends. At break time, he made a couple quick jokes and then headed back to his desk, and has been completely polite and friendly (but not too friendly) since then.

I really thought things would be SUPER awkward at work, but it seems to have worked itself out! How often does that happen?!

Although, I still think I'll take a gaggle of girlfriends anytime I know he'll be out [Big Grin]

Thanks for the advice [Big Grin]

Posts: 8 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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