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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My Boyfriend's Friend

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Author Topic: My Boyfriend's Friend
Roses are Free
Member # 72225

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I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months and love him dearly. Just recently, I've been introduced to his friends. I am happy about this because I want to be close to his family and friends and to respect them; however, I've seem to run into a problem. One of his best friends became quite close to me lately. Might I also mention that this friend is married. He started talking to me online, innocently, and mostly discussing my boyfriend. I had no problem with this.

Eventually, we became greater friends and started sharing our likes/dislikes with one another. Again, I was fine with this, as was my boyfriend. As time progressed (and I don't even mean a long period of time, just a week or so), he started complimenting me. He eventually started calling me hot and sexy, and complimenting my personality. He also calls me cute little names.

I was a bit startled at first. Despite my worries of ruining their friendship, I told my boyfriend. I didn't feel right NOT telling him. My boyfriend basically told me he can be flirty. He didn't seem too upset. He did tell me to watch in case it got worse, though. So, I brushed his comments off as compliments. The more I think about this, though, the more I find it very wrong. He has a wife. I have a boyfriend. I am not interested in this man at all beyond friendship. This doesn't seem like normal behavior from a married man to me.

I just need advice. I don't know how to handle this. What am I supposed to say to his friend and to my boyfriend? I don't mind being this guy's friend, but I think he needs to realize there are boundaries. I know I am going to talk to him less often now, but how do I handle the fact I will be seeing him a lot simply because he's one of my boyfriend's best friends?

Posts: 3 | From: USA. | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Have you confronted the friend about this directly?

It might simply be, as your boyfriend seemed to suggest, that this is how your friend relates to people and that he doesn't mean anything by it.

So, I'd start by simply letting him know, calmly, that you feel uncomfortable with the way he addressed you and that you'd like to establish some firm boundaries.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Roses are Free
Member # 72225

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Thank you for the advice, September. I was going to do as you said, but my boyfriend ended up telling him, nicely, to please cut out those comments (at least he said he was going to tell him that). His friend hasn't talked to me since. I think he may be upset with me, which I am unhappy about because I did want to be his friend and get along with him, especially for my boyfriend's sake. I guess there is not much I can do about that though [Frown] . Thanks again.
Posts: 3 | From: USA. | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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