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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I think I have a crush on my best friend

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Author Topic: I think I have a crush on my best friend
Calamity Jane
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Member # 70370

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Back story: I'm a bisexual girl, mostly on the lesbian side of bisexual to be precise and I've known for about two years. I only came out to my friends and sister about a month ago, and they were all very supportive, especially my best friend "R". R was so cool and caring about it, she just made me feel safe and I think I've started to harbour a crush on her.

The only thing is, when another girl in my class found out I was bisexual, she "jokingly" said that I must have a crush on R. R laughed and said "Even if she did, it doesn't matter, I like boys" and I pretended to laugh along even though I was offended.

Later, I told R about how I was offended by that, saying something along the lines of "I don't like you, but it still hurt me to hear you act disgusted like that, it made me think of what Emily said" (Emily was the girl who made me know I was bi, and
when I told her I loved her, she called me gross and weird).

Now, I'm worried that if I DO like R, which might be a passing crush or real love, I can't tell at this point, she'll reject me and want to continue being friends. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but she's perfect for me. What should I do?

--------------------
Love.
What a curious thing.

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Gilraen
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Speaking on the side of someone who has been in "R"s position, I know it can be very uncomfortable to not return someone's feelings, especially when they are of a different sexuality. Last year my trans-woman friend came out to me, and a few months after coming out to me she confessed her love for me. I've dated a girl before, but I honestly have no interest in women for the time being. I also have no interest in her, specifically. So I had to reject her, but I did try for quite some time to keep being friends like we had been.

The only thing that came between our friendship was her feelings of jealousy and animosity toward me. When I'd talk about a boy or someone I was interested in, she'd get very angry with me, and sometimes possessive of me. If I express disinterest toward her in a romantic or sexual way, she gets extremely upset with me, and it makes me very uncomfortable and makes it very difficult to be around her.

So I guess what it comes down to is the way you act toward "R" if or when you talk to her about this, and afterward. If you accept that she might reject you, and you accept that you have no power over her romantic or sexual choices despite the fact that you care for her, things might turn out okay.

Posts: 30 | From: Maryland | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calamity Jane
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Member # 70370

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Thank you, Gilraen (lotr reference name?). It's very comforting to know that someone who was in R's position is still friends with the person in my position. From your perspective, what would be the best way to tell her so that she isn't freaked out/embarrassed? I don't think she would reject it that strongly, but I want to know the easiest way for her to find out.

--------------------
Love.
What a curious thing.

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Gilraen
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Member # 47840

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I'm not entirely sure what the best way to tell her would be. Chances are she might get a little freaked out or embarrassed either way. If you could just meet up with her somewhere just the two of you and carefully address it. Tell her it means a lot to you that she's been so supportive, and that she's been a really good friend. You could probably bring up the Emily situation and say that one of the reasons it upset you so much is that you have been having feelings for her, but you don't want it to get in the way of your friendship if she doesn't return your feelings.

I think the most important thing is just to make sure she knows that your feelings don't have to change the way you interact with each other. They might complicate things a little bit, but you're still friends either way.

I know, for me, I didn't know how to respond when my friend confessed her feelings for me. So don't take it too hard if she doesn't respond back right away. She'll probably need to process a little bit and figure out how she wants to handle things and if she wants to get a bit of distance for a bit or if she wants to set up any boundaries. My big fear at first when my friend confessed her feelings to me was where to draw lines with things so I wouldn't risk leading her on or encouraging her attraction.

Posts: 30 | From: Maryland | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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