Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I feel rejected, I know I shouldn't.

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: I feel rejected, I know I shouldn't.
failbox
Neophyte
Member # 70158

Icon 1 posted      Profile for failbox     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'll throw the question out there to get it over with, then fill you in on the details. My boyfriend won't have sex with me. We're both 20, been together for a good seven months, this is his first relationship ever (I was his first kiss) while he's my second serious boyfriend & sexual partner (I was a "everything but PIV" "virgin"). Now, we do "everything else" - the oral, and the digital, and the whathaveyou, but none of the "penis in vagina" stuff. I don't think its that he doesn't want me - we progressed pretty quickly this far, and there are times he can't get my clothes of fast enough, so I don't feel like that's it. But whenever I bring it up (which I've only done twice, because I don't want to be THAT person, so once to tell him I was ready whenever he was [april] and once to mention I had a doctor's app, which would make the whole birth control thing easier [june]), he just shruggs it off with an "enh", or a "I don't feel the need to".

Now, the rest of our relationship is obnoxiously happy, and he's really really good at what we are doing (he was a quick learner plus didn't have any bad habits I had to break), so I really don't want to push it, but I'd like to have sex already, you know? It just seems weird to me that he's not more interested. I *know* that PIV isn't the end-all be-all of sex, and often isn't as orgasmic as other activities, but its an experiance I want to have, and honestly, one I want to have with him. Is it unusual for a twenty year old male not to be chomping at the bit to lose his v-card? I think part of it might be preformance anxiety related, as he has problems coming from oral stimulation (he just tends to go soft), but handjobs work perfectly fine and I just assumed he happened to be one of those guys who was wired like that, so I don't think it would mean there was a problem, and I don't know if he does as he's never mentioned it and it would be one of those questions that would probably just cause more problems than it solved. I just can't help but feel a little rejected, even if I know I shouldn't.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jun 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
luanne
Activist
Member # 48638

Icon 1 posted      Profile for luanne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Is it unusual for a twenty year old male not to be chomping at the bit to lose his v-card?
That's not unusual. [Smile] Many young people aren't chomping at the bit, but feel pressured by society/friends/partners to 'do it' whether they really want to or not. It's a good thing he doesn't feel like he has to.

--------------------
♥♥♥

Posts: 69 | From: America | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
failbox, have you two talked about this at all? I hear you on not wanting to pressure him by bringing this up too much, and that's awesome. But sharing your feelings with him and asking him where he stands on this isn't the same as suggesting you have intercourse right that second. It sounds to me like you're making a lot of guesses about what may or may not be going on here, and it's only valid that not knowing is making you feel insecure.

Have you seen this article yet?
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
failbox
Neophyte
Member # 70158

Icon 1 posted      Profile for failbox     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks for the article! I've brought it up twice, like I said, but we didn't really TALK about it, and I definitely think that's the problem - I'd be totally ok with him not being ready or whatever, but I just wish he'd give me a reason or an explanation or something, instead of just shrugging things off.
Posts: 3 | Registered: Jun 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Do you think it's possible he's so uncomfortable with sex as a whole, or this kind of sex, that he's not talking about it because of that discomfort?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
failbox
Neophyte
Member # 70158

Icon 1 posted      Profile for failbox     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That's certainly possible, and it would make sense if he was not talking about it because of discomfort, I just think it might be kind of odd for him to be so very, very uncomfortable with PIV but totally enthusiastic about everything else.
Posts: 3 | Registered: Jun 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3