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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Home is where the heart is...?

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Author Topic: Home is where the heart is...?
Destinee Carols
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Member # 54626

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To be honest, this is partially a vent post because I'm not sure how receptive I am to advice on this matter. It's all a little complicated in my head right now, and stress over exams doesn't help.

I live on campus at university, and I generally go home every weekend. The semester will end soon and I'll return home.

I don't want to.

My parents and I have never been close. Especially not my mother and I. And lately things have been going downhill. I don't doubt that the way I see her right now is rather biased, but to give a snap response if someone asked - she seems too sarcastic, lectures for hours on end, guilt trips me/us but tells us she isn't, and misinterprets things I/we say.

I don't talk much anymore. I sit and listen to her talk at me for two hours and she'll say that she and my father don't know what I think anymore because I never tell them anything, and it's true, but anything I do say seems to be fuel for more longwindedness or something to take the wrong way and...then also go off on a long diatribe.

To be honest I wouldn't call it verbal abuse. I know I personally misinterpret a lot of what she says. Sometimes it's unconscious. Sometimes I do it automatically, knowing it's wrong, but I want to believe it and so I do. I don't want to talk to her, much less have to see her daily, and I don't actually want to talk to anyone (besides my peers) about her. Because I don't want this problem to exist but I don't yet want to go through the process of fixing it.

She's not a bad person. She means well. She loves me. But at this point I've trained myself to react with negativity towards anything related to her. An innocuous text? It is instantaneous criticism and I know that's my fault. I can't stand it when she texts me. And I will walk away from another entirely normal, innocuous scenario, annoyed with her to the point of tears, for no fathomable reason.

/end rant

Simlar stories? :S I'm sure that this will get better eventually. The more I mature and the more I come back to fix this. Just...not right now. I'm not there yet. And while I'm not there yet, just...asfjkds.

Posts: 89 | From: Canada | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Firefly-
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I can totally relate to how you feel!

Before I went to university, I was in a really similar situation with my parents. I didn't get along with them anymore, everything was annoying and felt like a personal attack on my decisions. I felt like everything was a criticism, and that I wasn't allowed to be independent in any way.

I'm an only child, and my parents have always been really involved in my life, but it had gotten to a point where I couldn't stand it, and I was always in a bad mood when I was home. I also didn't share anything with my parents anymore, which my mom commented on a lot. This just annoyed me more. Like you, I know my mom means well and she loves me, but it felt overbearing at times.

For me, what mostly worked with this was just moving out completely. When I first started talking about it, my parents (especially my mom) were totally against it, and seemed to feel really offended by the idea, especially because I was going to university in the same city. They did warm up to the idea eventually though, after a lot of negotiations and explaining how I felt.

I've been living on my own now for about 5 years and it's really really improved my relationship with my parents. There's still some friction between my mom and I, especially when she tries to strongly "encourage" me to go toward specific career paths, but it's better now. It certainly helps that we don't live together and don't see each other every day.

I don't know if that's a possibility for you, but it may be something worth considering.

I hope this helps some. I just wanted to share my story and let you know that you're not alone : )

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Posts: 1345 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Destinee Carols
Activist
Member # 54626

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Mm. It's nice to hear and know that someone else is going through the same things I am, even if I know it in theory.

I've definitely wanted to move out, and I'm pretty sure that moving out would help a lot... But realistically it's just not an option right now. I have no license, let alone a car, and I don't have the funds for them... So it'll have to wait, for now.

This weekend will be fun. -.-

Posts: 89 | From: Canada | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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