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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Advice please... My head's all muddled.

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Author Topic: Advice please... My head's all muddled.
tigerfishy
Neophyte
Member # 55292

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So I love my boyfriend and he and I have been together for 3 years. He and I have had our issues, as any relationship does. I had this whole love deal with another guy and he and I kissed. I fessed up to my boyfriend, yadda yadda and things have been wonderful.

Now my best friend is a guy. We have this on-running joke that we have a secret relationship and we flirt in a manner that is obviously joking. The problem is, I'm in love with him. I obviously love my boyfriend and I don't really like his girlfriend, but I certainly don't want to cause them any problems.

I think I would feel a lot better if I could tell him how I feel. I don't want things to get awkward, though. But we're also going to college together and we're set on having a friend there we know. Should I tell him and risk it getting awkward, or just keep it bottled up the way I have been? I don't really have anyone else I can talk to it about... I don't want this to be a repeat of what happened with the other guy, I just want my friend to know...

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I'm not a professional, just a peer. But I will provide the best, most honest advice I can.

Posts: 16 | From: Oregon | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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So, am I understanding that what you want to voice is that you have romantic feelings for this person, but don't want to pursue them?

If so, can I ask what you want in disclosing this? Do you just want to get it off your chest in hopes it'll fizzle out and not feel like a big secret? Or something else?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
tigerfishy
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Member # 55292

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I just don't like keeping a big secret from my best friend. I think that I'd feel better to just get it off my chest and let him know how I feel.

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I'm not a professional, just a peer. But I will provide the best, most honest advice I can.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Okay!

I think you need to accept it might feel awkward for a while no matter what, but that it's okay if that happens. In close relationships, sometimes things will feel or get awkward, because that can be part of the deal with being close.

But I think if you open by saying what you just did above in terms of why you want to voice this, and make clear you don't want to pursue a romantic relationship, you just want to not be keeping a big secret, that should help make it a lot more comfortable for both of you if you share this.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
tigerfishy
Neophyte
Member # 55292

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Thank you so much. I think this was kinda the last push I needed to get up the courage. Would it be too juvenile to tell him in an email? I mean, that's very middle school, and I'm a senior in high school. I'm just not very good at face-to-face confrontations, and I think I'll chicken out if I try to tell him in person...

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I'm not a professional, just a peer. But I will provide the best, most honest advice I can.

Posts: 16 | From: Oregon | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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