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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » It's been awhile (dysfunctional relationship?)

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Author Topic: It's been awhile (dysfunctional relationship?)
crazysexycool
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Member # 45257

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I've been involved with my ex, on and off, for 4, going on 5 years. He has been my first and only boyfriend, even though the only time we've ever been officially in a relationship was in 10th grade for 3 months. Other than that, I've been a sidechick, a friend-with-benefits, everything but a girlfriend. Right now, I am a friend-with-benefits. I used to be very distraught over this relationship--especially since it involves a lot of secrets, lies, and cheating. This hasn't changed, even now. I had a confrontation with him and his "girlfriend" not too long ago.

But at this point, I no longer feel anything. I don't ask him about anything, I just take things as they are. I am seeing a counselor (been seeing her since November) at my university for my issues, but I can tell she is becoming tired of me. I've talked to her about this, and she tells me to go "cold turkey" from him. But I don't want to do that, I can't bring myself to do that right now. It's too hard and too much and I'm so scared. But I know she's getting tired of me. And so, since I haven't seemed to make progress, I've decided that I may need to stop the counseling.

I no longer really talk to my best friends or mentors about this because I kmow they're tired of me too. I talk to my mom about this somtimes, but otherwise I keep this to myself. I just feel numb about the situation, but I am not ready to leave. I do love him.

What I'm asking is, am I wasting my counselor's time? Should I stop going to counseling? Have I missed the purpose of counseling? I talk to her about other things, but it's been really hard for me to make any changes in my life right now. I've tried, but I know my trying means nothing. I feel like a lost cause at this point.

And I also want to know, what does a good relationship look like? I'm just wondering. I know I probably can't have one, but I want to know how does a good one work? I'm not sure I can tell the difference anymore. I mean, is mine really that bad?

[ 02-05-2011, 09:46 PM: Message edited by: crazysexycool ]

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[[.play.in.my.band.]]

Posts: 31 | From: Q-Town, Florida | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
skiesofgreen
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Member # 46170

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I don't think I'm personally in a position to be able to answer your questions about conseling (though I'm sure a staff member or someone who is will give you their advice soon enough) but here's a couple links that I think might help you in defining what a good relationship should look like

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/hello_sailor_how_to_build_board_and_navigate_a_healthy_relationship

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/does_your_relationship_need_a_checkup

Also? Any relationship built on cheating, distrust and lies (not just a romantic or sexual one) is at its core an unhealthy relationship.

Healthy relationships ARE possibly, and they are possible for you too but you're right in thinking you probably won't find one with a person with whom lies and cheating are taking place.

[ 02-06-2011, 12:06 AM: Message edited by: skiesofgreen ]

Posts: 243 | From: British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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