I've been involved with my ex, on and off, for 4, going on 5 years. He has been my first and only boyfriend, even though the only time we've ever been officially in a relationship was in 10th grade for 3 months. Other than that, I've been a sidechick, a friend-with-benefits, everything but a girlfriend. Right now, I am a friend-with-benefits. I used to be very distraught over this relationship--especially since it involves a lot of secrets, lies, and cheating. This hasn't changed, even now. I had a confrontation with him and his "girlfriend" not too long ago.
But at this point, I no longer feel anything. I don't ask him about anything, I just take things as they are. I am seeing a counselor (been seeing her since November) at my university for my issues, but I can tell she is becoming tired of me. I've talked to her about this, and she tells me to go "cold turkey" from him. But I don't want to do that, I can't bring myself to do that right now. It's too hard and too much and I'm so scared. But I know she's getting tired of me. And so, since I haven't seemed to make progress, I've decided that I may need to stop the counseling.
I no longer really talk to my best friends or mentors about this because I kmow they're tired of me too. I talk to my mom about this somtimes, but otherwise I keep this to myself. I just feel numb about the situation, but I am not ready to leave. I do love him.
What I'm asking is, am I wasting my counselor's time? Should I stop going to counseling? Have I missed the purpose of counseling? I talk to her about other things, but it's been really hard for me to make any changes in my life right now. I've tried, but I know my trying means nothing. I feel like a lost cause at this point.
And I also want to know, what does a good relationship look like? I'm just wondering. I know I probably can't have one, but I want to know how does a good one work? I'm not sure I can tell the difference anymore. I mean, is mine really that bad?
I don't think I'm personally in a position to be able to answer your questions about conseling (though I'm sure a staff member or someone who is will give you their advice soon enough) but here's a couple links that I think might help you in defining what a good relationship should look like
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