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Author Topic: When can I stop asking permission?
amaranth
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At what age do you get to stop asking your parents permission for doing things? I'm in my early 20s but still live with my parents and still find myself asking if I can do something....like going to meet friends.
At the moment they don't like me going out certain days because of the weather, ice & snow. However, I work odd hour shifts and how is driving to work in a snow storm different than meeting friends? :/

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Stephanie_1
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You know, generally when living in your parents house it's nice to at least let them know where you are going, even if you don't really ask their permission. For instance, I'm engaged and living on my own, but still let my parents know "Hey, going out with so and so will be back around blank time" as a courtesy because you're in their home. Sometimes they will ask me to do something before leaving, or tell me they'd rather I be home for whatever reason.


Ultimately? It also takes knowing what is and isn't a good idea. For instance, when there's a storm and you have to go out for work, it's a necessary thing (and when really bad even that becomes less necessary). When it comes to going out for fun though - it's different because it's a want and not a need, and a lot of times weather men and women will even say to stay indoors unless you absolutely have to go out, because it's not safe with storm and the more people on the road the higher percent chance of people being hurt. So them not liking you going out on those days isn't a bad thing really, it's something that means changing thinking to that of an adult and deciding what is and is not going to be be dangerous and with that what is and is not worth that chance. (Also? Things like who paid for your car, who pays for your car insurance and whether or not you're on their plan still, etc) But this is also something that you'll likely want to sit down and discuss with them, per them knowing your being an adult you need some boundaries.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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amaranth
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Well, the other thing is when she wants me to drive her someplace I am supposed to put that first to other plans I might make :/
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coralee
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I am in my early 20s too. I totally agree with what Stephanie said.

You write: "she wants me to drive her someplace I am supposed to put that first to other plans I might make". I think it's nice to put her plans before yours once in a while. But if this becomes a habit, and you have to ditch your plans a lot of the time, then I would sit down and have a talk with your parents about the fact that you need time for your own plans, too. Living with your parents when you are an adult is different from living with them when you are a child or teen, and they need to respect that, just as you respect the fact that they let you live with them.

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Stephanie_1
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quote:
Originally posted by amaranth:
Well, the other thing is when she wants me to drive her someplace I am supposed to put that first to other plans I might make :/

Just to add on to some of coralee's thoughts here - is your mom able to drive herself places? As in she can drive AND has a working car at her disposal when she's asking you? If not - that's something to take into account too.

I agree with coralee that you need to still have time for you, but don't forget that our parents for a long time likely gave up doing things for themselves to be there for you, and to drive you places. If she is able to drive there herself and has the means to, it would be perfectly okay sometimes to just say that you have other plans. On the other hand, think about where she's going as well - for instance if she's asking you to drive her to the grocery store and you eat in their house, it's really great to help her help you. Too? As coralee said, it's really nice to put your parents first sometimes, when they put their kids first so many years.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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amaranth
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She doesn't/can't drive and dad works alot.
It just seems weird. I talk to other people my age and they find it odd that I ask permission. They just let their parents know where they might be going and only contact if they are going to be late.

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