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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » why does fast physical intimacy always ruin things?

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Author Topic: why does fast physical intimacy always ruin things?
Member # 47084

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Hi guys,

Back in October I dated this guy for 3 weeks (me 19 and him 21 years old) & things were going really well at first. we had really fun times together, and we had a lot of the same values and lots of things in common. Problem is, we emotionally opened up A LOT way too fast. like on the 3rd date, we ended up spending the day together, and we shared a lot of stories to eachother about our lives etc.and he told me he really liked me, and I said I did too. and i asked him if he was looking for a relationship, and he said he "didnt want to rush into a relationship, but he was basically open to anything." I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I thought that he meant that we'd take the relationship slow, so I was okay with that
Well, he ended up kissing me on the 3rd date.. but instead of it just being a kiss, we ended up getting very intimate. Not any kind of sex, but we ended up not wearing any clothes and were making out intensely (and I also had a pregnancy scare, because i thought his sperm might have touched "down there", but I ended up being fine).
Anyways, i felt really comfortable with him, and the entire time we were doing that we were communicating our feelings etc. and he told me that he felt like we were right for each other.

But then days later, he stopped communicating with me the same way he used to. he'd ignore most of my texts (especially if it was about hanging out..) , his behaviour just changed completely. I asked him why he was doing this (it took me a very long time to make him tell me, he was even too scared to call me.. haha..), and he said that "things went too fast so i just want to be friends. but please dont get mad at me because we get along really well and i don't want to lose that.." well i ended up getting really hurt.. and i didn't think i could handle being just friends cause i felt like i had waaay too many feelings for him ever since the physical intimacy..
He kept contact with me after he told me he just wanted to be friends, he came to me whenever something went wrong and wanted to feel better, or just asked me how I was doing sometimes (I didn't really know what was going on between us during this time.. )

I also remembered that I left my sunglasses at his place, so i asked him if i could pick them up. he said that he would give them back to me eventually..I didn't really know why he said that, but I thought it was cause he wanted space for a bit. He contacted me about a month later and told me that he wanted to give them back to me, and he asked me if he could give me a ride home because he wanted to talk to me. so i agreed, but on the way home he never exactly said anything to me. i was way too nervous to ask what was up (it was the first time I saw him again since the last date..), so I thought maybe he didn't wanna open up about anything. it was very awkward, and he kept "sighing"..and we were just making small talk.
when he dropped me off, he said that we should hang out again soon. and i was kinda confused, so i said "yeah well, if you want to?.. "
Then 2 days later I find out he's in a relationship with another girl.. i was completely devastated. I ended up txting him asking him why he wasn't honest with me cause i thought that we could have worked out if we tried to fix things, and I asked him why he said "things went too fast" --i basically asked him for an explanation of what went wrong. he never answered my text, so I just deleted him from everything to help myself get over it. (if he at least answered me I think It would have been easier to stay friends with him..but o well..)

i know never to get intimate too fast with a guy ever again. but why is that it always ruins a relationship? are there any relationships that start with fast physical intimacy but still last for a long time?
& also, it's really difficult going out to events in my city because i'm always afraid i'm going to bump into him. we go to the same university too. I just don't know what I would do if I saw him.. I'd probably pretend nothing happened and not talk to him. It just feels weird because it felt like the start of special friendship/relationship got suddenly cut off..
should I ever get in contact with him again once I'm over things? we didn't date for long at all, so is it best to just forget about him?


[ 01-03-2011, 11:06 PM: Message edited by: anonymousgurl ]

Posts: 43 | From: World | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35831

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I think you should let this go. From the sound of it you're mourning the loss of "what could've been" and not the loss of what you two actually had. It's always hard to get your hopes up and then have to let it go. I don't think you will get an explanation out of him with he way he's been so far.

Also, I can't speak for all relationships, but me and my ex were together for 2 years and I think we ended up having sex before our first date xD It pretty much started as a one night stand and then we started talking and ended up together for about 2 years [Smile] So some relationships do get intimate very quickly without ruining things.

Posts: 122 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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