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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Best friends with benefits. Can we?

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Author Topic: Best friends with benefits. Can we?
Member # 51458

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I am a guy. I am best friends with girl that let's call X. We are both juniors in high school. We have been best friends for over a year now. I am comfortable sharing anything with her. She feels the same way. She even saw me naked when I was skinny dipping and it isn't awkward at all. We have been to two school dances together but just as friends. She dated my best friend for a while but now they are broken up. Based on just being friends with her during the relationship, I never want to date her. The problem is that I am sexually attracted to her. A few days ago I just kinda blurted out asked her if she wanted to be friends with benefits. After talking for some time we decided that we would give it a try after we have some more time to think about it. Right now she is on vacation. We have made it clear that our friendship is much more important that anything.
The question is, from your experience, or your opinion, do you think we can do it without changing our current friendship? If not, what side effects do you think there will be?

[ 12-29-2010, 02:43 AM: Message edited by: tonemgub ]

Posts: 4 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35831

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Friends with benefits are probably the most common form of sexual relationship I have. For me it usually works really well, but mostly they sooner or later have to end. From my experience they usually end in one of three ways. Either one person falls for the other and the benefits go away. Or one person starts a romantic relationship with someone else and the benefits go away, or the two people who decided to be friends with benefits decide to try to date. Often when a friends with benefits relationship ends it can be all awkward, but with open communication and knowing what you want it can usually work even after it stops being a friends with benefits relationship.

If you want it to work you have to talk about some things. How would you react if she fell for you? How would she react if you fell for her? How would you react if she got a boyfriend? How would she react if you got a girlfriend? How would you react if she also has a casual sexual relationship with someone else? What do you wanna do when it comes to monogamy? Are you aware of all the risks when it comes to sex and how to protect yourself from them (STIs, pregnancies)? Can you have an open and honest conversation about sex? Can you have an open and honest conversation about emotions you weren't expecting? If either of you got jealous, can the jealous party acknowledge and accept that the jealous is their problem and not try to make the other person change?

There are a ton more things you have to be able to talk about for a friends with benefits relationship to work.

For me it usually works pretty well [Smile]

Posts: 122 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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