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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I'm 16 and dating a 21 year old...?

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Author Topic: I'm 16 and dating a 21 year old...?
BelleSkyyMarison
Neophyte
Member # 51188

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It's legal here for us to have sex. (I stay in NC and he's from Seattle.) It'll be 2 years on June 26th and my parents don't know about us. He came to visit me last week for the first time and we shared our first kiss, cuddled, and exchanged our journals. We had been writing about how we felt about each other since the first day we met and we promised to let each other read them. We stayed in a hotel and I told my parents I was staying at a friend's house. My parents always tell me they want me to be happy no matter what. My boyfriend makes me happy but I know if I tell them about our relationship it won't blow over well. His parents know we're dating and they gave him half of the money to fly down here. We both have stated that we don't want to have sex anytime soon. We joke about it and laugh about things like marriage because we know that's way off in the future. I'm not in high school anymore, I have my diploma. Someone told me that once you're out of high school age differences don't matter but most people don't graduate from high school at 16. Does anyone have any advice? I want to tell my parents but I'm scared... they don't even think I'm remotely interested in dating. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing but I'm very mature for my age and he acts more like someone in my age group. 16-18. I'm sorry this is so long but I really need some advice on what to do here. ):

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"To have a love that lasts forever, is the ultimate dream and the perfect reality."

Posts: 4 | From: Hillsborough, NC. | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Britster
Activist
Member # 48970

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I've also been in a relationship with a large age gap (six years), and I have to say that the relative maturity levels don't matter so much as the dynamic in the relationship. For example, maybe he acts much younger than he is, but does he hold more power in the relationship? For a healthy relationship, there has to be ultimately equal power and control in the relationship.

I think you should tell your parents about it, especially if you have a good relationship with them. They may have realistic concerns that you are overlooking at this point. Also, have you told many of your friends about your boyfriend? It's kind of concerning if this relationship is a complete secret on your side.

Posts: 89 | From: United States | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BelleSkyyMarison
Neophyte
Member # 51188

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I've told my friends. Some agree with it, some don't. I don't think he holds more power in the relationship. Any decisions we make we make together and we treat each other fairly. We listen to each other and make sure we communicate so we can stay on the same page. I don't know how to bring this up with my mother and stepdad. My father wouldn't understand either. I'm very scared. Recently my parents found explicit texts between my boyfriend and I and my mother wanted to put me on BC because she thinks I'm having sex. They don't know that the texts were from my now current boyfriend but they do know he's 21.

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"To have a love that lasts forever, is the ultimate dream and the perfect reality."

Posts: 4 | From: Hillsborough, NC. | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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