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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Relationship is great now... but what about later...Long Distance Relationship

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Author Topic: Relationship is great now... but what about later...Long Distance Relationship
Member # 41883

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Hi my boyfriend 22 and myself 21have been dating for about 8/9 months we both attend college in mississippi the problem is i can feel myself falling in love with him... naturally thats great and all but theres a downfall... credit hours wise im a senior and graduating in may and he's a junior graduating next may... We've already decided that me moving to birmingham after graduation wont be a problem... as it will only be 2 hrs away from him...
in the long run of things i dont see me and him ever breaking up until its time for him to move he wants to go to law school in new hampshire... and i just know that i will be crushed i can feel it now... i know school is important to him and i wouldnt ask him to settle for anything... i'm debating on whether or not i should continue the relationship... even though he wont be leaving for another year and half...

i honestly cant see us breaking up for any other reason but him leaving... and his mom has made it very clear that she wants him back home in Massachusetts after school ... she wants to see her future grand children and he's close to his mom with not being home for 5 yrs of undergrad i can understand why she would want her son back home... its just what about me... should I end this for the sake of my feelings later on???

Posts: 26 | From: Mississippi | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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A year and a half is a long time away, longer than you have even been together so far.

Why think about this so far in advance, especially since you two could split for other reasons later even if he was staying put?

Even if you can't yet envision you two splitting down the road for other reasons, it happens all the time, especially with younger people. So, the idea school is the ONLY reason you'd split later is not likely realistic.

Just checking in, too: would you, for yourself, want to go to the school in Birmingham he's going to? making educational plans based on where a partner is going is not usually the best way to go.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 50947

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Like Heather said, his graduation is a long time away. Should you decide to stay with him for the present, a lot could change (for better or worse) between now and next May. That being said, since you're obviously thinking ahead, I'll try to offer a bit more advice.

There are two things you really have to decide for yourselves:

1.) Will staying in this relationship be a net positive experience for both of you? Sure, an eventual breakup is likely to hurt more in a year and a half than it would now, but you may be missing out on a lot of experiences. If you feel that the rewards of being in the relationship will outweigh the increased hurt in ending it, then it's certainly not worth breaking things off now. Alternately, if you think the extra pain will be greater than the benefits, it might be time to call it quits.

2.) What are your (and his) long-term feelings about where the relationship is going? You make it sound like a certainty that you'll break up when he moves away. Why? Have you thought that through? Long-distance relationships are difficult, but they can be worthwhile if the people involved want to make them work and have an exit strategy.

Only you can decide if the potential for future pain or the extra time with your boyfriend will be more beneficial in the long run, and I wish you the best of luck in deciding what you wish to do.

Posts: 12 | From: United States | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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