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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How can I get my mum to give me more privacy?

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Author Topic: How can I get my mum to give me more privacy?
TonicTwelve
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Member # 34415

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My mum has absolutely no issues with walking in on me in the shower (with the door closed) and going to the toilet. Maybe I'm being paranoid but it seems like its deliberate because it happens every second or third night and we have more than one toilet in the house. Apart from the privacy thing, I find it kind of disgusting, I don't especially want to be in the same room with someone doing that. Once she sits down she then proceeds to stare at me and look me up and down, making such comments as "You'd look like Megan Gale if you lost weight" "You need to wash your face more often its getting pimply" "Pluck your eyebrows, they're getting hairy" "You're legs are getting a bit ordinary, you inherited good legs from me and your grandmother but you're going to lose them soon" and even commenting on the colour and texture of my pubes. The lack of privacy and comments are really driving me nuts, I'm not especially self conscious about my body but its hard not to think about that kind thing when your own mother is basically telling you could look so much better.

I'm 16 next month and I really don't think its unreasonable that she stop doing this. She also does it when my bedroom door is closed but that doesn't bother me so much. I've asked he to stop doing this because it makes me uncomfortable and she responds that "shes seen it all before," to which I respond that that doesn't necessarily mean I want her seeing it now. If I escalate it to the point where II ask her to please get out of the bathroom she says how dare I tell my own mother to get out.

How can I get her to stop doing this? Anyone got any ideas?

Thanks.

--------------------
~~Caitlin

"Oh baby I said,
It's all in our hands,
Got to learn to respect,
What we don't understand,
We are fortunate ones,
Fortunate ones, I swear."


Posts: 61 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm so sorry your mother has been talking to you about your body and appearance the way that she has. [Frown] Chances are, she learned that from others who talked to her the same way, but that still doesn't make it okay.

Have you been able to sit down with her and talk to her both about your desire for more privacy and about how she's talking about your body? She says she's "seen it all before," but have you been able to respond by making clear that while that may be so, you aren't comfortable with this lack of privacy and want some more privacy for yourself? Have you also been able to tell her how hurtful you find her comments?

If these kinds of conversations have already happened, in a calm space, and have not been productive, might there be someone else you can ask for help in talking to her about this, like, say, your family physician?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TonicTwelve
Activist
Member # 34415

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Hi again, thank you so much for such a quick reply, I'm sorry it took me a while to answer. I haven't actually sat down with her and discussed this at a time when its not actually happening, eg I've tried when she walks in but not outside this time. I'll try that, just got to wait for a time one everyone is calm. I've got more confidence that it will work right now because a couple of days ago when she was yelling at me for something or other, I blurted out that sometimes I don't want to be around her when she is like this. It really hurt her feelings and I feel horrible that I've said it even if it was true but shes making a real effort to respect me and my opinions more, so I'm hoping she'll be receptive to this conversation when it happens.


Thankyou so much again. This is such a wonderful site and it is fantastic to have not only the information available, but even more so the ability to have a non-judgmental sounding board for just about anything [Smile] I wish that if our school can't bring themselves to move away from their somewhat homophobic "christian ethos" when it comes to sex ed, they would at least direct people here [Smile]

--------------------
~~Caitlin

"Oh baby I said,
It's all in our hands,
Got to learn to respect,
What we don't understand,
We are fortunate ones,
Fortunate ones, I swear."


Posts: 61 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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