Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I told my crush I like her and she freaked out and blocked me! =(

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: I told my crush I like her and she freaked out and blocked me! =(
SpiderMan120988
Neophyte
Member # 47920

Icon 9 posted      Profile for SpiderMan120988     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am a 21 year old guy (22 soon) and I was friends with this girl who was 16. You can read all about how we met in this forum post:

code:
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/3/t/010689/p/1.html#000000

Anyway, I had developed really strong feelings for her and I couldn't hold it in any longer so I spilled my guts. I posed as an anonymous user on her formspring and asked the following questions.

Question: This is for a friend of mine and he need's a female's opinion. He has feelings for a girl who he's friends with. Should he tell her or keep it to himself?

Answer: I HOPE THAT FEMALE ISN'T ME ._.

Well, I'm pretty blunt about these things so I'm really sorry if I sound mean. I say tell her! It takes a lot of courage to go up to someone and say that you like her. If you keep it to yourself, you'll never know what will happen and she probably won't know that a guy likes her. And if the worst happens, life goes on and it'll eventually be forgotten.

And it depends on the girl too, but I'm sure she's a nice lady if you find her appealing. x)

Uh yeahh that felt weird *goes back watching violent martial arts*

Question: Thanks for answering my question! I have a follow-up. Hypothetically speaking, let's say the girl was you. How would you react? Would your answer still stand or would you rather he keep it to himself for fear of jeopardizing your friendship with him?

Answer: Um god forbid I would ever end up in this type of situation because I really don't know how I would react. Especially if it's a guy friend that would be too awkward. D: But it depends on the dude. I'm a sucker for awkward situations and I don't like to think myself in it.

Sorry, I know my answer is really lame. But trust me, plenty of girls out there don't think like me and it's better to just tell her anyway or else your feelings will just be stuck inside of you driving you nuts. And if you lose the friendship...it's ok. You have to expect situations are gonna come out of if when you let the cat of the bag (cheesy, I know).

I wanted to see if it was a good idea to tell her and since she was so blunt about it I did. Now everything is ruined and she said I traumatized her and made her anxiety worse. I did this through AIM because I couldn't get her to meet me as she has a lot of homework. I tried to contact her but now she's annoyed and just wants to forget about it and blocked me. I even cried over this! I know, I'm even less of a man that I was before. I honestly thought she liked me but I read it all wrong. I wrote her a letter explaining that I wasn't trying to take advantage of her and that my feelings were genuine but she never replied back. So now I have no contact with her and I'm just trying to forget by playing video games non-stop, which is only partially working and makes me very tired. What should I do, if there's anything I can do even? My friends were very adamant that I move on and that she's not worth it cause she's just a confused teen who knows nothing but I don't want to lose another friendship. I need a second opinion on this.

(Links edited out for your safety.)

[ 11-06-2010, 10:07 PM: Message edited by: SpiderMan120988 ]

Posts: 6 | From: Brooklyn, New York | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Devanie
Activist
Member # 46095

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Devanie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, first off, I'd suggest not putting links that might identify you...

Second off... I think she made it pretty clear she didn't want to be in the "awkward situation" that you asked her about. While she did say to act on your feelings, she also said that she didn't want to be in the situation, especially with one of her guy friends.

So... I really think you should move on. No romantic relationship is going to come of this, as much as you might wish. I think you should also take some time before you talk with her again. If, after a long period of time, she still is reacting like this... you're going to have to admit that the friendship isn't possible either.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with telling someone your feelings, but sometimes that happens.

Also, just speculation, perhaps she doesn't feel comfortable with the age gap? 16 is a very different mind set and point in life than 22-ish. And while large age gaps can work, they do have their own issues that couples who are closer in age don't have to deal with.

Another thing, after reading through your link to your Scarleteen topic... If her parents don't approve it would be very, very difficult for her to be in a relationship with you. Asking her to pursue a romantic relationship may have put her in a very awkward place, hence her mentioning her increased anxiety.

Please don't take these last two paragraphs as guarantees, but they are possibilities.

[ 11-06-2010, 06:10 PM: Message edited by: Devanie ]

Posts: 116 | From: SL | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SpiderMan120988
Neophyte
Member # 47920

Icon 1 posted      Profile for SpiderMan120988     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
As I expected. =( I feel better now but it's hard to get over someone. I may be 21 and know a lot of things but when it comes to romance, I have a very naive optimistic view. I'm like that guy from "How I Met Your Mother," I want to find 'the one,' my soulmate. I know real life doesn't work like but it's just who I am.
Posts: 6 | From: Brooklyn, New York | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, people can and do certainly find people in the world where they each really like and/or love each other and share strong feelings. But I think mutuality in all of this is key, and it's also key to recognize that when we find people like that, one way we can tend to know we found them is often that we feel able to do things like talk to them very directly about our feelings.

In other words, if this is what you're looking for, I think in this scenario there were some things that could have tipped you off that this probably wasn't likely to be that kind of relationship, including your own feelings per talking to her about this the way that you did (or didn't, more accurately). Do you know what I mean?

Also, you two really didn't interrelate very much, so what you're getting over probably isn't her, but your idea of who she could have been to you. That can hurt too, for sure, but it's an important distinction to recognize, especially if you want to work on forming relationships with mutuality and that are really grounded and real. Do you know what I mean by *that?*

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SpiderMan120988
Neophyte
Member # 47920

Icon 1 posted      Profile for SpiderMan120988     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yea I understand, I think I did notice the signs but not consciously or I chose to ignore them. So I'm more like that guy from (500) Days of Summer. I'm just going to follow the advice of one of my male friends. He told me that he could less I cried, he said that it's done, it's over, move on! Blunt, but I don't think anyone could've said it any better.
Posts: 6 | From: Brooklyn, New York | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know, there's nothing wrong with crying and being upset, and that doesn't make you "less of a man."

Crying is one way people work through their feelings, and it's often pretty helpful. So, if you are upset and feel like crying, it's always okay to do that, you just also obviously want to be sure that you're not keeping yourself too attached to something that wasn't a real something to begin with.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Devanie
Activist
Member # 46095

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Devanie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Heather is completely right. Crying and being upset in no way makes you "less of a man."

Even though this technically isn't a "break up" by many people's standards, have you read this lovely article?

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/boys_do_cry_how_to_deal_with_a_breakup_like_a_man

I think this might help you out, at least a little bit. (And it will probably be useful to you in the future, so read up!)

Posts: 116 | From: SL | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SpiderMan120988
Neophyte
Member # 47920

Icon 1 posted      Profile for SpiderMan120988     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks for the reassurances and that was a nice read. It sure would've been nice to have known about this website earlier!
Posts: 6 | From: Brooklyn, New York | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3