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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Effects of Asperger's Syndrome on a Relationship?

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Author Topic: Effects of Asperger's Syndrome on a Relationship?
Member # 48124

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Ok, so I found out as of today, that when my girlfriend was younger, she was mis-diagnosed as having ADHD, which she found out recently, was actually Asperger's Syndrome, and I looked on the internet just to see how it can affect a person (It doesn't make me love her any less), but it can have negative issues on relationships, but of course I want to keep this relationship working. This is where I read the information, Asperger's Syndrome - Wikipedia. I know she displays obsessive interests (such as TV), social interacting difficulty etc and I wondered, what are your opinions on this, with determination, can it work? And also, does anyone here have any experience or advice on how to help her with some of these social difficulties and obsessive interests etc that she has?

Edit: Stupid me, I used the wrong word in the title of the thread

[ 10-21-2010, 04:35 AM: Message edited by: fireflyboy ]

Posts: 39 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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By all means, plenty of people with Aspergers have interpersonal and intimate relationships with other people, even though there certainly can be some challenges when it comes to what works for people not an the autism spectrum and for those who are.

One thing to know is that giving very general advice here is only going to be so useful because everyone with Aspergers isn't the same or in the same place with it.

So, my very best advice is to see if you two can't go together to the healthcare provider that made her diagnosis and talk about it as it impacts HER, uniquely.

You "helping" her in the way you're asking sounds like potentially erring on the side of trying to be her therapist, something that isn't appropriate or sound. But that's something else to talk with her healthcare provider about.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 49077

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Hi Fireflyboy,
My best suggestions for you are: to be helpful is to be yourself, don’t just focus on her needs (expressed or what you think they should be), be true to your needs and desires too, and to talk with her (not to her - as a teacher or counselor) about each others needs and desires when things come up or are not being met. The main thing to remember is that you are a boyfriend, not a counselor; which means to be caring and understanding, and to treat her like you would anyone else. [Smile]

If you want to learn more about Asperger Syndrome, go a more accurate site like Autism Speaks and search “Asperger Syndrome”


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Member # 41657

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Originally posted by OWL Dan:
If you want to learn more about Asperger Syndrome, go a more accurate site like Autism Speaks and search “Asperger Syndrome”

Sure, he could do that. Or he could visit a site or blog that doesn't treat autism as something that must be cured, not to mention that whole promoting-the-unevidenced-notion-that-MMR-causes-autism thing. My understanding is that they didn't even have anyone on the autistic spectrum on their board of directors until 2010, and then there were those videos they put out, one of which featured a parent saying they only hadn't murdered their autistic daughter for the sake of their other non-autistic daughter, I'm actually pretty appalled that they would be your site of choice for information about autism.

Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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Member # 49077

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First: Someone else's topic thread is NOT an appropriate place to express your opinions towards one of our staff’s suggestions. “Site Help and Service” would be a better place.

Second: If you could offer a better web site for information on the subject, please do. There is no way I could have known any of the issues going on behind the scenes with this or any other org. I’m not involved with this area as much as you are. Here is another site that I hope is better.

Asperger Syndrome - Kids Health

[ 10-29-2010, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: OWL Dan ]


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Member # 43486

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Well, I'm certainly not an expert, but my boyfriend has been diagnosed with Asperger's, so I'll see if I can make myself useful.

I think the important thing to remember is that just because there's been an official diagnosis and everything doesn't mean that you should think of them differently. Everyone has their own unique personality, with strengths and blind spots. It doesn't mean there's anything 'wrong'.

My boyfriend definitely likes talking about films and basically anything to do with acting, similar to your girlfriend. Sometimes it gets a bit confusing when he's talking about this anime thing and that obscure reference, but I try and take an interest. I'm now watching Twin Peaks because of him, and it's awesome.

Aspergers covers a large spectrum, and your girlfriend may be quite different. Sometimes I can tell he's relating to things differently. I know that he isn't great at reading subtle signals in body language, so I try to be honest about what I'm thinking instead of waiting for him to pick up on signals that I'm sending.

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No idea if this will help at all, but one of my asperger's friends has been singing the praises of this article. While it (like everything) is limited and doesn't fully encompass everyone's experience, but it's a good article.

I also think that it's really, really, really important that you recognize that it's part of who she is; it's not a disease or a problem or something that needs to be cured. I know people who have made that mistake. It's not fun.

Posts: 22 | From: Earth | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20990

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Wow. That is a good article, SidonieAdena. I will pipe up and say that that article says pretty much what the people I know with Asperger's say (there are several of them).
Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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