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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Phrases I find creepy

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Author Topic: Phrases I find creepy
astrocyte
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Hey, does anyone else get really creeped out when their partner/whatever says they "want to make you happy" (in life)? Or that they "want to do whatever you want"? (During sex.) (I am not implying that I think these are generally creepy things for people to say. Just, I am not sure exactly why I feel this way and I wonder if others do also.)
Posts: 79 | From: the southern hemisphere | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fireflyboy
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I've said this to my girlfriend a few times, she didn't feel creeped out by it. There are guys (and girls) out there, who genuinely want to make their partner happy.

Offtopic note: When I read your topic your post count was 69 [Razz]

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astrocyte
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Offtopic reply: Hilarity!

Yeah. The reason I don't like it isn't that I don't think the sentiment is genuine? I think it's more that...if I am in a relationship with someone, I feel like it ought to be a given that I feel happy about spending time with them and usually enjoy it? So if they talk about wanting to make me happy, I wonder what more they want, and I start thinking "Whut! you can't MAKE me feel an emotion, you can't make my life be fulfilling, only I can accomplish that! Why are you trying to change me?".

..I guess that sounds ungrateful? But I don't like the idea that someone can /make/ someone feel an emotion. I'd rather not have someone else controlling my emotions, thanks. I like the model that people's emotions are responses to whether or not their needs are being met, and the needs and the responses are going to depend on what's going on inside a person and what else is happening in their lives ...so I guess if someone said "I want to meet the needs that you have within this relationship", I wouldn't find it weird anymore!

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KittenGoddess
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I don't think it's weird at all to have certain language that we're not comfortable with. It's kind of like when my mom says I'm her "baby". That makes me feel weird. I'm not a baby...I'm nearly 30. And yes, cognitively I understand that she does not literally mean that I'm an infant. But at the same time, I am uncomfortable with the implications of the statement. In my example, I try to remember that her context is somewhat different than mine and that she probably does not mean anything by it. If it would not create so much drama (we've got some communication issues), ideally I'd ask her what she meant by that statement and then maybe express my discomfort with the way I was perceiving it.

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Sarah Liz

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Cian
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Oh, I understand. It rubs me the wrong way when my partner talks about "giving me the life I deserve" or "when she has money she'll buy me all the things I want", and I get the implication that I am unable to provide my own belongings and quality of life I would like. Which I'm sure is not the sentiment, rather it's "I want to take good care of you"
I usually tell her that I plan on having a successful career myself and don't plan on leeching on her money, haha!

I also had a problem with being called baby for a good long time, but now it's more of a habit than anything else.

It helps to talk about it if something you find uncomfortable keeps appearing in everyday situations and conversation, though. [Smile]

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fireflyboy
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I very much agree with all of the replies so far, I can relate to my mum saying "Your my baby" which irritates the hell outta me, and also embarrassing around friends [Smile] . But yeah, putting it that way does make a lot of sense, I guess it's just the way people perceive the things that are said. Whereas I might say I want to make my girlfriend happy, which really means, I will do anything and everything to make sure you aren't UNhappy [Smile] . (I Love using smiley emoticons [Razz] )
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DreamCatches
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Some phrases creep me out, but I guess it depends on what kind of mood I'm in.

Things like: "I want you so much."

And lately every time I hear Drake's song "Find Your Love" it weirds me out.
"I better find your love and I better find your heart/ I bet if I give all my love then nothings gonna tear us apart." or something along those lines (sorry if they are slightly messed up).

I thought the sentiment of the song is about putting yourself out there and saying that you love a person and really wanting them to love you back and feel the same way, only it sounds slightly threatening. That's just my opinion. I like Drake's music for the most part.

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Think of me, when you're out, when you're out there...

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